the old, the young and the grumpiness

When I was young I can still remember I had this propensity to get involved with older people’s conversations.  Elementary pa lang ako noon pero fascinated na akong making sa bangkaan ng matatanda.  And there are times na ako mismo bumabangka sa kanila.  Yong tipong lumelebel ako (or at least I was trying hahaha) sa mga sinasabi ng mga kausap ko at hindi ako nagpapa-cute just because I was a kid.  

I didn’t know it then pero later ko na na-realize na yong mga conversation na yon ang dahilan kung bakit advanced ang perspective ko sa buhay.  I’d call it accelerated maturity dahil habang abala sa trumpo at lastiko ang mga ka-edad ko, I was already busy dreaming of and planning on what I want to be later in life. 

That was then.  Ngayon na matanda na ako (no shame in admitting so hahaha), biglang nabaliktad ang sitwasyon.  Kung dati madalas matatanda ang kausap ko noon, ngayon I had to deal with individuals half my age on a daily basis.  And boy was it a challenge! Hahaha.

Pina-rent ko kasi ang ground floor ng aking kubo.  Just to have some source of income dahil nga nag-retire na ako sa pagkita ng dolyares sa Saudi.  At alam nyo naman pag nasa Pinas ka, whatever you saved flies out of the window kung wala kang kita.  

So instead of letting the space rot, ang sosyal naman ng mga ipis at multo kung gagawin lang nilang hang-out yong bahay di ba, pina-rent ko na lang sya.  Not as a whole unit but what is popularly known as “boarding house”.  Per head ang bayad.  

At sino pa ba naman ang magiging clients ko kungdi ang mga kabataang nag-uumpisa pa lang maghanap ng kapalaran nila sa buhay.  Most of them working at a nearby mall na siguradong napuntahan mo na kung nakarating ka na ng Enchanted Kingdom.

As of now, out of the 13 (ominous?) ‘boarders’ I have, tatlo lang ang born on the late 80’s and the rest puro 90’s na.  Which means that the oldest mind I’m dealing with is somewhere in the late 20’s – 29, 26 and 28.  But at the lower end of the spectrum are these boys and girls who just got out of their teen years. Mga Totoy at Nene pa (coed po dine kasi they come in groups!).

At first, nahirapan ako.  Kasi para akong principal,  security guard at warden all rolled into one. 

Number one rule ko kasi is no unnecessary noise lalo sa gabi.  My neighbors are silent souls and I didn’t want to offend them. Kaya bawal na bawal ang ingay sa gabi.  Na syempre, sa mga kabataan ay mahirap gawin.  We all know it’s the age where loud music, boisterous laughter, near-shout conversations and horseplay is normal.

Kaya maraming beses akong nanita, tumalak at nag-sermon.  Sanay kasi akong mag-isa at ang naririnig ko lang ay ang ingay na ginagawa ko.  Tapos biglang inatake ako ng isang batalyong ingay.  So you can just imagine the shock my system is going through nong mga panahon na yon. And I thought of quitting at paalisin na lang silang lahat para bumalik ang katahimikan sa aking buhay.  

But the need to earn won the battle.  Kailangang kumita or else nganga.  Kaya habang sine-sermonan ko ang aking mga ‘boarder’, I was doing adjustments within myself na rin. I realized na more than the neighbors, it is my peace na talagang concern ko at ang private space ko na na-invade ng mga aliens.

In short, na-resolve ang issue tungkol sa ingay.  I won of course because that’s my rule.  Napilitan ang mga bata na magpakabait matapos kong i-kick out ang pinaka-pasaway.  But the win is not because I kept them zipped up.  But from the fact that they now appreciate how relaxing it is kung walang unnecessary noise.  

Ngayon maaga silang natutulog kaya energized silang papasok sa trabaho.  Walang nale-late, walang umaabsent dahil walang ingay na umiistorbo sa pagpapahinga/pagtulog nila.  Hmmm…  I should be demanding some compensation from their bosses! Hahaha.

But of course hindi doon nagtatapos ang drama.  Araw-araw iba-ibang issue ang kailangan kong harapin.  All of them involve a lot of talking, discussing and persuading their young minds para magkasundo kami tungkol sa kung ano ang kanilang right versus previliges na akala nila ay right din nila dahil nagbabayad lang sila ng renta.

And speaking of renta, syempre nandyan yong late magbayad.  Mahaba-habang usapan yan dahil hindi naman charity house ang pinapatakbo ko.  Buti na lang natural ang compassion ko sa mga taong nagigipit kaya in the end, promises lang ok na.  Damn, I will never be good in business hahaha! Yon nga lang, I only allow one promise.  Pag hindi, aapoy na ang tenga ng dragon! Hahaha… 

Andyan din yong iba pang issues like receiving visitors to group conflicts tungkol sa paglilinis at pati na ang pagtitipid ng ilaw/tubig.  I have house rules posted conspicuously at the main door pero syempre that’s not enough dahil may ilang pasaway na kailangan pang i-explain in minute details kung ano ang pwede at hindi, kung bakit pwede at bakit hindi. General rules just don’t work with kids.  You have to be specific.

Sometimes madali lang ang usapan.  Sometimes it takes a whole lot more than psychology 101 to get my message across.  Most of the time, hinuhukay ko sa aking baul ang kakaunting pasensyang naitatabi ko sa aking kaban ng virtues.

But despite all these, I think I’m gaining something.  Kung noong bata pa ako, nakakuha ako ng ideas that prepared me for my older days, ngayon may natututunan pa rin ako kahit paano sa pakikisalamuha sa mga batang ito.  

First is to loosen up a bit.  Na-realize ko kasi how much I’ve missed the joy of a hearty laughter. I realized that being alone is cool but I’m missing out on laughing dahil delikado namang magtatawa akong mag-isa di ba. And staring at the tv for days on end brought to me the edge of being grumpy.  

At itong mga batang ito, they have this pure crisp of laughter na hindi pa nama-mangle ng mga problema ng buhay.  That is why I’m making it a point to share light moments with them every now and then.  Simpleng kwentuhan lang, inane conversations, jokes na kahit hindi ko minsan masakyan, still makes me smile and let out a happy laughter.  Tama nga yong sabi ng iba, spend some time with the youth.  Nakakabata.  Hahaha.

Another thing – and I think the most important – is that I’m making progress on my patience which has been the weakest link of what I thought was a strong character.  For the longest time, having a respectable amount of patience inside my system was a work in progress.  And now, I know I’m gaining ground.  Nako-control ko na yong mga sudden spike of my already high blood pressure.  Kaya ngayon,  generally OK na ang relasyon ko with my young tenants.

In short, the divide between us is now slowly becoming blurry.  Because I’m beginning to shed off my haughty ‘been there done that’ attitude when I’m talking to these young minds.  Na-realize ko na maling mag-expect na maiintindihan nila ang ideang sinasabi ko when I’m using the language of an aged person.  Dapat bagets din ang lengwahe.  At minsan pati attitude. Because that is the only level they can cope with at this time of their lives.    

Kaya mas nag-oopen na rin ang mga batang ito sa akin, making it easier to access their minds  and in effect, improving the communication line between us. Kaso, nang na-open na ang communication line,  may ibang sitwasyon na lumabas.  But that is worth another long post kaya hindi ko na isasama dito. Next time na lang na sipagin ako.

Going back to what I’m saying, naisip ko lang … Funny but come to think of it, ako rin talaga ay isang malaking pasaway.  When I was young and had the chance to be young, nagmadali ako and made myself old.  In the process, I missed out on some of the joys of being young.  Ngayon na matanda na ako, saka ko pa na-appreciate how it is to be young, feel young and think young.  

So less grumpy na ako these days.  Thanks to my ‘boarders’ I’m enjoying what I’ve missed for so long. And I think I’ve spent so much time writing this blog kaya I have to go na.  Maniningil pa ako ng renta for March! Hahaha….

raising a monster

Actually ang buong title nito ay Raising a Monster – Scenes from a Burger Joint.  Mga eksena kasi itong nahagip ng ewan ko ba naman at kahit singkit na mata ko eh kung ano-anong nakikita kapag kumakain sa mga burger houses or any other fastfood joint at may mga batang nasa paligid.  Oh yeah, pati bata pinatulan! Hahaha...

Having a quick bite in burger houses here in the Phl is an entirely different experience compared to that in KSA.  Sa Saudi kasi, separate ang family section kaya ang tulad kong singgol ay pwedeng kumain nang tahimik sa isang sulok. Hindi tulad dito sa Pinas na pag minalas-malas ka, you’ll choke on your fries pag nagulantang ka ng mga nagtatalunang paslit.  Much more the sound of their shrill screams when they throw serious tantrum coz mom or dad didn’t get them the toy that doesn’t really come free with the kiddie meal.

I can only grimace in silence pag ganito ang mga eksenang nakikita ko.  Little brats na hindi kayang kontrolin ng mga magulang lalo na sa public places. At first, nakaka-awa ang mga magulang dahil napapahiya sila syempre.  Worse, nakaka-awa sila dahil more likely than not, sila din ang sisipain o sisigaw-sigawan ng mga batang ito pag lumaki na at dinala ang pagiging monster ng mga ito. 

Wala akong parenting experience kaya hindi ko sasabihing may authority ako na magsabi ng ganito ganyan sa pagpapalaki ng bata.  But from a plain onlooker’s view, nakakainis lang na kaliliit pang bata pero naging monster na. Sana lang, parents would exert more effort to take on their role as parents.  For their own good and, most importantly, for the kid’s.

Scene 1: Physically challenged ba?

Isang Tatay, kinarga si little boy sa harap ng counter.  Cute.  Hindi kasi maabot ni little boy yong counter from where he can see the pictures of the kiddie meal.  Cute nga di ba.

But just outside the glass panel, sa labas nong burger place, ibang eksena ng kargahan ang nangyayari.  Si little girl na nagha-hopscotch pa while walking along the mall’s corridor, biglang nagpapa-karga kay Mommy.  Eh porma si Mommy kaya no-no.  Andyan kasi si yaya.  So si yaya na medyo payat naman, kinarga si little girl na hindi naman little dahil mukhang 80 kilos ang bigat.

What’s wrong?  Ewan ko pero it doesn’t sit right to me.  Kung hindi physically challenged ang bata, let him or her walk.  Gawin ang mga bagay na kaya nyang gawin.  Karga is cute sometimes like the father and the kid in front of the counter.  Pero pag ganito, that’s plain laziness and rottenness for me.

Wag ka ng magtaka Mommy pag lumaki ang anak mong maarte, tamad or pala-asa at pala-utos.  Coz that’s exactly what you’re teaching your girl right now.

Scene 2: Bibo vs Pilyo

This little boy na parang kiti-kiti keeps on running around the place.  Wala kasing play area yong McDo na kinakainan ko.  So ginawa ni little boy na play area ang buong lugar.  Takbo dito, takbo don.  Eh nasagi si staff na may ise-serve na food.  Buti na lang hindi bumagsak ang tray ni staff.  What did the boy do?  Just stare at the staff and resumed his running streak. Walang sori-sori!

A few minutes passed.  Napagod na siguro katatakbo ang kiti-kiti kaya umupo na at kumain.  Pero maligalig.  Naririnig ko ang angilan nila nong Nanay.  Pati yong katabi nyang bata (which I suppose is his brother) inaaway nya.  Maya-maya binatukan na si little brother.  Ngalngal si binatukan.  Si Mommy, piningot si kiti-kiting nambatok.  Dalawa na ang ngumalngal!

I know kids can be too much to handle lalo na pag pilyo.  Pero ang alam ko rin, hindi nakukuha sa pingot ang ganon.  I think mas effective kung kakausapin, papangaralan at ii-explain kung ano yong ginawa nya.  Teaching kids the idea of right and wrong can never be through pingot or any physical pain na ii-inflict mo sa kanya.

DSWD is now on the lookout for parents physically hurting their children.  This is no longer the dark ages where the adage ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ is a creed.  Kaya dapat ibang strategy ang gamitin ni Mommy para si kiti-kiti ay mailagay sa tamang ayos.  I just wish she’d find that strategy and find it soon.  Dahil potential barumbado si kiti-kiti and heaven knows what he will be ten, twenty years from now.

Scene 3: The high and mighty.

I’m seated facing a young family.  Mga late 20’s lang siguro si Mommy at Daddy.  Mommy tends to the toddler na naka-high chair while their obviously elder child, a boy (must be 5 or 6 years old) seems to be sulking.  Nagmamaktol. Ayaw kumain. 

Naririnig kong pinipilit hingin sa Daddy yong toy na nasa picture ng kiddie meal.  No ng No si Daddy.  Eat your food.  No.  Eat your food or i’ll leave you here.  O di ba ang sosyal ni Daddy.

Pero alam ko hindi sosyal yong ginagawa nya sa little boy nya.  Nagmamarakulyo ang bata but instead of using other tactics, Daddy is throwing his weight as the one who’s bigger and mightier between the two of them.  Kaya si little boy ngumalngal na ng tuluyan.

Again, wala akong parenting experience pero hindi kaya magandang ginawa ni Daddy ay i-explain sa bata kung bakit hindi pwedeng ibigay ang hinihingi nya?  Again, talk.  Make him understand whatever your reason kung bakit hindi mo binibigay ang gusto nya.  A stern NO, no matter how authoritative wouldn’t do.  Bata yan eh, hindi nya maiintindihan kung hindi mo ii-explain.  At lalong hindi nya maiintindihan kung bakit may threat ka pang ginagawa.  Ayan, ayaw ng tumigil ni little boy sa pag-ngawa.

Scene 4: The Inquisition.

Katabi ng table ko ang table ni Mommy at little boy.  Mommy was so busy texting hindi ginagalaw ang pagkain while little boy munches happily on his burger and fries. Slurping pa on his soda, natatakot akong sumama sa pagsipsip si straw at mabilaukan ang bata ng hindi oras!

In between nguya ni little boy, he asks Mom so many things.  Bakit daw malamig ang ice.  Bakit daw color red ang catsup.  And so many things na inane para sa ating mga grown ups.

Gusto ko nang sagutin ang mga tanong ni little boy dahil si Mommy, hindi pinapansin si little boy.  Text pa rin ng text.  Kumain ka lang dyan.  Wag kang tanong ng tanong.  Sabi ba naman sa bata.

But the boy kept on with his inquisition.  Where’s daddy ba?  Obviously an innocent question from an innocent mind.  Akalain mong singhalan ni Mommy.  Shut up.  Sabi ba naman. 

Effective dahil tumahimik ang bata.  Pero gusto kong batukan si Mommy.  Kung may problema ka sa asawa mo, wag mong i-shut up ang bata.  Asking questions is your little boy’s way of saying na “Mommy I want to learn something today”.  Eh bakit sina-shut up mo?  Don’t you want your kid to learn things?

Granted na may LQ si Mommy at si Daddy.  Baka may kabit si Daddy kaya mainit ang ulo ni Mommy.  But I pray that Mommy doesn’t do that ‘shut-up’ stunt all the time.  Kawawang bata walang matututunan kungdi shut up!

So why am I making a blog out of this? 

Siguro to remind parents to be more careful in dealing with their kids.  Dahil may mga katulad kong walang magawa sa buhay at pati parenting skills nila ay nakikita at pinapatulan.  Damn, I should stop eating at those fastfood chains soon.  Kung ano-ano na ang nakikita ko! Hahaha.

ever tried talking to a wall?

I met an old acquaintance (buti na lang hindi friend) the other day. Kamustahan… kamustahan…. pero in less than a minute na usapan namin, I decided that it’s better to leave him alone na lang. Or else baka mapaslang ko lang ng hindi oras.

Akalain mong sa napaka-iksing oras ng usapan na yon, dalawang beses nya akong tinanong kung saan ako nagwo-work. At hindi lang yon, dalawang beses din nyang inulit kung ano ang work ko. Both questions repeated in just a space of few exchanges of lines.

Malaking kalokohan na nag-uusap kayo, malinaw na malinaw ang usapan, Face to Face ni Amy Perez, and yet uulitin mo ng dalawang beses ang dalawang tanong sa akin. Either you’re not listening or not really interested with the conversation. Kaya lalayasan na lang kita kesa makapanakit pa ako ng tao!

Pag-uwi ko ng bahay, sa FB chat, may isang kamag-anak ng kamag-anak ko (buti na lang hindi directly related) ang nagtatanong tungkol sa visa papunta sa isang European country. Porke kukunin daw sya ng kuya nya. Ang unang tanong ko – legal ba o illegal. And with that question I’m sure alam nyo ang ibig kong sabihin.

Kung legal, may working visa na ii-issue sa kanya. So dapat wala syang problema. Kung illegal, tourist ang pasok nya and she has to produce all the ‘cooked and baked’ documents para maka-apply ng visa. Eh bakit daw kailangan nyang mag-fake ng mga papeles eh meron naman daw syang totoong dokumento.

Aba eh di dalhin mo kako yan sa embassy at tingnan mo kung mabibigyan ka ng visa! Ay bibigyan naman po ako ng visa kasi Italian citizen na si kuya! Eh ganon pala eh ano’ng problema mo’t inaaksaya mo ang oras kooo??? Muntik ko nang maibato ang laptop ko sa bintana! (sa citizenship part at sa inis).

Just yesterday I was in a meeting (trabaho na to) at may ini-esplika ako sa isang grupo ng mga inhinyero tungkol sa trabaho. Isang simpleng idea ng hierarchy. Pero inabot ako ng mahigit isang oras sa pagpapaliwanag ng konsepto. Sabi ko nga sa mga kaibigan ko, either magulo akong mag-explain (which I doubt) or talaga lang hindi ako maintindihan ng mga hinayupak at kailangan ko pang i-esplika sa urdu, malayalam o hindi ang pinag-uusapan.

In all the cases above, napaisip tuloy ako. Was it really me? Nag-deteriorate na ba ang aking communication skills? If it did, I’d be damned. Dahil isa yon sa mga kino-consider kong personal strengths. A skill that I honed for so many years. Tapos di na effective?

Magagalit ang isa sa mga ini-idolo kong boss who taught me that good communication includes the ability to talk to a janitor up to a company CEO. Meaning – any level, any strata, any form, any color, size and shape ng kausap mo, if you can come across, be heard and understood, is the sign of an effective communicator.

But in the three instances I mentioned above, bakit parang mga deaf and blind ang kausap ko. Na parang alien language ang ginamit ko at hindi ako maintindihan.

But after all the unwarranted introspection, naisip ko… hindi nga siguro ako ang may problema. Sila. Sila ang either bingi, may sariling mundo at agaw-autism. Kaya unfair na i-blame ko ang sarili ko at kwestyunin ang aking communication skills. Afterall, a tree or a wall can be good barriers but can never be good listeners!

miracles still do happen

It started out as a tragedy. Then it turned into suspense. Now it’s ending with cheers and joy of tears. And it’s not even a film or a soap opera. It’s the real-life drama of rescuing 33 Chilean mine workers trapped for more than two months 629 meters below earth’s surface.

When this story first broke out back in August, I shrugged it off as just another tragedy that the mining industry is full of. And to be perfectly honest, I was thinking that the succeeding reports would be that of grieving families lighting candles for their loved ones that they’ve lost, buried somewhere near the bowels of the earth. Never did I expect that a miracle like this will happen.

It was after two weeks that the same story caught my attention again. They found the miners who were able to send a note to the surface saying that all 33 of them are alive and well. Just finding them is already a spark of hope so big I think it captured the attention and interest of people the world over. Since then I’ve watched with great interest the progress report about the whole rescue operation.

Initial assessment said that the miners can be brought back up to surface by Christmas. And it didn’t look good. I was thinking to myself that the longer they stay holed up in that place, the riskier it will be. A huge earthquake has just ravaged their country. If the earth moves again in or around that area, death of the miners is almost certain.

Aside from that, I was thinking that staying in that condition for an extended period can do damage to their well-being. They’ve probably held strong and full of hope up until that point when they were discovered but I’m sure that hope is fading by the day. Besides, I can only imagine the psychological stress they are going through. It is definitely one harrowing experience. And I was hoping they can be rescued much sooner.

Fortunately, the rescue operation took an amazing speed. All of a sudden, they came up with 3 escape plans, one designed to anticipate failure of the other. All making sure that the end result will be achieved. A few days more, and they’ve already bore a hole that reached the area where the miners are confined. And now, I’m watching the 18th man literally being brought back to life. And I must admit I join the cheering every time a miner emerges from that capsule.

Why was I so absorbed about this whole thing, you might ask. I’m not even a Chilean. Chile is halfway around the globe from the Philippines. I didn’t even have relatives or friends who work in the mining industry. What did I care for in all of this? Well, for a few reasons.

One, its reality tv at its best. The individual stories of the miners being presented to the world by news reports from BBC to Euro News to Al-Jazeera are quite touching. One miner became a father to a cute baby without his presence to experience the occasion first hand. Another guy promised his long-time girlfriend they’d marry as soon as he’s back up. And of course, the endless hugging, crying and kissing when the miners were finally able to see their loved ones after the ordeal. These stories are great materials for a tv show. Or a movie. In fact, I’m sure that if it happened in the Philippines, movie producers will already be scrambling for the rights to film it.

Secondly, it’s history in the making. No rescue of such nature has ever happened before. And the planning, engineering work and technical genius that went into it is unprecedented. Sure the Chilean government had help from outside as far as equipments, technology and expertise are concerned. But I must credit the Chilean leaders who put so much effort into this whole exercise. They didn’t give up hope and forged ahead, not letting the earth devour 33 of their men.

Third, and most importantly, it is one story that proves to us once again that whatever tragedy befell men, prayers and faith plays a vital role. Believing that a higher being is there to deliver us from harm. In short, it is one huge proof that at this day and age, miracles still do happen. And all we have to do is to believe.

As the flamboyant Mario Sepulveda (the second man lifted to surface), said "I've been with God and the devil.  They fought.  And God won."

a whiter shade of dark

A recent report by Al-Jazeera caught my attention. The program is called 101 East and the episode was entitled A whiter Shade of Pale. It’s about the booming skin whitening business in India. Napa-huh ako when I saw it. Dahil alam naman natin na ang ating mga kapatid na ‘itik’ as we fondly call them ay medyo mas maraming sunog kesa sa ating mga Pinoy. Maraming whitening cream ang uubusin bago mapa-puti ang isang galing sa Kerala.

But as the report says, kahit sa slums ng Mumbai where most people are scraping for a living, gumagastos sila ng average of 5US$ a month para sa mga whitening cream. Which makes it a billion-dollar business and still projected to grow this year by 25%. Hindi lang pala mga Pinoy ang obsessed na pumuti! Baka kailangan na ni Vicky Belo na maglagay ng branch doon! Hahaha!

To be honest, nag-ambisyon din akong pumuti noong mga unang panahon na nauuso yang skin whitening na yan. Early 90’s at wala pa sa kamalayan ng mga Pinoy ang pangalang Belo, uso na ang pagpapa-derma para magpakinis ng mukha. Kaya nong natigil ako sa Pinas ng 4 months waiting for my next contract sa Saudi, yan ang napagdiskitahan ko.

Pagdating ko ng Saudi, nagulat ang karamihan sa mga kaibigan ko. Pumuti nga naman kasi ang mukha ko. Actually it was pinkish, hindi talaga puputi dahil medyo malakas yatang mag-produce ang sistema ko ng melanin. But my face certainly looked lighter than the other parts of my body. Back then, I didn’t realize na nakakatawa yong hitsura ko. All I knew is that my fairer face made me feel good.

Ngayong matanda na ako, I realized that it was one of the few stupid things I did in my youth. Dahil ngayon, tinatawanan ko na lang yang mga ganyan. Lalo yong report ng Al-Jazeera showing some people obviously having darker skin tone than mine na nagpapahid ng kung ano-anong cream.

Lately natukso rin akong magdala ng gluta when I was coming back from vacation. Kaya lang mahirap magpasok ng mga ganyan dito sa Saudi. And I thought it wasn’t worth the risk. I wouldn’t want to be questioned by customs officers para lang sa pagpapaputi na yan.

In recent years din, nauso dito yong magic cream na ewan kung saan gawa o kung dermatologically tested talaga. Pero ang daming nabiktima ng magic cream na yon. Natatandaan ko off the shelf pa yon sa Kadiwa. Pero biglang nawala. Ewan ko lang kung gaano katotoo ang balita na pinatigil daw dahil may mercury content which, of course, could be hazardous to human health.

Bakit nga ba maraming gustong pumuti. Ayan nga at hindi lang sa Pinas kungdi pati sa ibang bansa pala uso na rin. Was it because we all want to look like movie stars? Yong mga tipo ni Kris Aquino o Ruffa Mae Quinto na akala mo ay wala nang dugong tumatakbo sa katawan dahil kasing-puti na ng papel. At kahit mga machong tulad ni Wendell, Dingdong or Cesar Montano na hinangaan ko dahil pinoy na pinoy ang kulay noong bago pa sya pero ngayon mukhang suki na rin ng skin clinic.

Siguro. Epekto kasi ng media na gamit na gamit ng mga kapitalista. Sa movies, lalo sa Tv, wala tayong nakikita kungdi mga magaganda at nagpuputiang mga tao. And we are made to believe that having fairer complexion is the standard of being ‘beautiful’.

Bukod pa doon, pag maputi daw mukhang mayaman. So ano, itatago natin na ang ating mga ninunuo ay ang mga aliping saguiguilid na taga-silbi ng mga taal na mapuputing insulares? And we will spend our hard-earned money for this vanity, uunahin ang whitening cream kesa ibili ng pagkain na isasaksak sa kumukulong tyan?  Fairer skin over a grumbling stomach? Well, it's individual choice na wala kahit sino ang may karapatang kumuwestiyon.  If it's what makes you happy, then by all means go ahead.

Ang sa akin lang, masuwerte ang mga pinanganak na talagang mapuputi dahil hindi na sila gagastos para sa whitening cream. At kung magpapa-Belo sila, konti na lang ang gagastusin nila compared sa tulad kong pinanganak na kulay-kape. But before you get me wrong, let me make one honest statement:  masaya na ako sa kulay ko.  

In all honesty, tinigil ko na ang pag-gamit ng Fair and Lovely. Matagal na ring lugi sa akin ang mga Papaya soap. At hindi pa natitikman ni Belo or even Calayan kahit isang kusing ng pera ko. Wala akong plano. I’ve now risen above these things. I can now call it vanity without feeling any guilt.

Hindi lahat ng maputi ay maganda/guwapo. Hindi rin naman lahat ng maitim ay pangit. Bakit si Venus Raj, major major ang ginawang paglampaso sa mga nagpuputiang co-contestants nya sa Miss Universe. Bakit si Mayor Binay, sumisikat ngayon not necessarily because he’s the VP’s son and Mayor of Makati.

Which leads me to my closing statement. Hindi tayo nagpapaputi dahil gusto nating maging mukhang artista o mayaman. There is a deeper reason behind it all. And that is the fact that we are never content on what God has given us. We are spending loads of cash to get whiter skin. While the Westerners are exposing themselves to skin cancer kaka-sunbathe para lang magka-tan. Need I say more?

Back to Al-Jazeera’s report, watch nyo na lang ito…

of black and white... and what's in between

A young blogging friend is currently in a dilemma about something related to the election – vote buying. He was furious to hear that local candidates in his area were handing out cash obviously to buy votes. Pati ang Ate at Mom nya, naabutan din ng dirty money. 500 pesos for the Ate and 1,000 for the Mom. Aba pang-burger na rin yon huh.

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My young friend knows this is wrong and he’s agonizing kung ano ang dapat nyang gawin. Tingin ko, parang gusto nyang aksyunan ang nakita nyang kadayaan. I already wrote him an advise by commenting on his post. Pero kilala nyo naman ako, hindi pwedeng ilang linya lang ang sasabihin sa ganitong usapan. So to Anthony and all the other young (and idealistic) friends of DS, this one’s for you.

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At your age, things like vote buying is really an issue because it blemishes the ideals that you have just embraced. Kakaumpisa mo pa lang na i-involve ang iyong sarili sa political issues ng Pilipinas and here are these devious individuals na sumasalungat sa iyong mga idealistic notion about election and the democtratic process in general. Kaya pag nakakita ka ng anomalya tulad ng vote buying, you feel strongly against it.

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What’s good about your reaction is that it only shows one thing: you belong to the better, potentially incorruptible breed. Dahil nagalit ka and thought of doing something about it. Samantalang sa ibang kabataan, baka tumakbo pa sila at humabol sa namimigay nong pera. Sila yong mga mas madaling bilhin. Sila yong paglaki, wag sanang ma-pwesto sa gobyerno coz they sure will turn out to be crooks.

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But as I said, vote buying is just one of the lesser evils you will see during election. Mas marami pang grabeng violations ang makikita mo. Gold is the better of the three Gs. The scene turns ugly kapag may kasama nang guns and goons. Just look at the Maguindanao massacre.

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Maliit mang issue itong vote buying, I’m not condoning it either. Coz in the end, it still is a violation of the law. Pero sa atin kasi, kakaunti ang may takot sa batas. Most of them celebrities, rich, powerful and influential people think they are above the law. Kaya gagawin nila ang gusto nila no matter what. Lalo na ang mga pulitiko sa panahon ng election. And that, my young friend, is another of the many ugly realities in life that you’ll have to deal with as you go along.

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You were asking kung ano ang dapat mong gawin. You have two choices: 1 –stick to your gut feel by confronting the evil head-on, or 2 – be wise and learn the principle of gandhi’s ahimsa satyagraha.

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If you opt for the first choice, I’ll salute you. Dahil bata ka pa at buong-buo pa ang iyong conviction about what is right and wrong, understandable kung ilaban mo ng patayan kung may dadapurak sa prinsipyo mo. At dahil sinira ng kandidatong nagbo-vote buying ang ideals mo, he should be punished. Bad sya for violating the omnibus election code.

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Before doing this however, just make sure that you have the support of your family. Dahil baka hindi mo kayanin ang laban. It could be a long, arduous and perilous process that will surely test your endurance, will power and conviction. Not to mention the abala and the potentially magastos na proseso. And for sure, mabubulabog ang dating tahimik mong buhay pati ng iyong pamilya. Remember you’re dealing with people who’s not afraid of the law and has the 3Gs.

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But if you choose to play it safe, being wise by employing a more subtle yet effective means of getting back at these violators, you will earn more of my respect. Coz by doing so, you protected something from what could be a risky situation: your family.

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Dahil masakit mang tanggapin, pero parang David and Goliath ang labanan pag maiimpluwensyang tao ang babanggain mo. Lalo na ang mga pulitiko. They can make your life a living hell coz they have all the means. Buti sana kung ikaw lang. Eh kung idamay ang Ate at Mom mo na tumanggap ng pera. Worse, ang buong pamilya mo. I’m sure you’ll agree when I say that it’s not worth to compromise the safety and security of your family dahil lang sa isang issue na meron ka namang ibang magagawa.

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And what’s that option? Ahimsa Satyagraha. Passive resistance. Without figuring yourself prominently on the issue, meron kang magagawa para labanan ang nagbo-vote buying na yan. Ikampanya mo sa buong angkan ninyo, mga kaibigan at kakilala na huwag iboto ang kandidatong yon. Tanggapin lang nila ng tanggapin ang binibigay na pera. Mas maganda kung maubos ang pera ng buhong na kandidato. Saka sila matalo dahil sa kadayaan nila. Di ba mas effective na punishment yon?

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Whatever you do, I hope you get out of this situation a lot wiser. I hope you learned that yes, life is indeed full of ugly things. It’s not as simple as black and white. You’ll often encounter grays that will challenge you and your convictions. Things that don’t agree with your newly-found ideals. Things that threaten your newly-adopted principles.

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But just like what I said, hold on to what you believe. Kahit pa wala kang magawang konkretong aksyon at this point. Just being steadfast with what you believe in is enough. Malaking bagay na yon. Coz it means one less corrupt soul for the country. At kung maraming kabataan pa ang mag-iisip na tulad mo, then may pag-asa pang magbago at umunlad ang Pilipinas!

that spark of divine

I just finished watching the Nobel prize awards ceremony shown in Al-Jazeera where Barack received his recognition as this year’s Nobel Peace laureate. He started his acceptance speech addressing the controversy generated by his win. Marami kasing nagsasabi that he doesn’t deserve the award. But if only for one line of his speech, payag na ako na sya ang pinanalo ng Nobel committee.

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Somewhere towards the end of his 20-minute or so rhetoric, may isang linya syang binitawan that illicited an applause from the audience. Sabi nya, sa mga nangyayaring kaguluhan ngayon, war, terrorism and senseless killing, dapat daw we should ‘look into the spark of divine still within us’.

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I so get that line totally. Dahil naniniwala pa rin ako na lahat tayo, there is still that innate goodness in every individual no matter how harsh this world has become. Amidst all these violence, aggression and hatred, we do not have to turn ourselves to being ruthless savages. All we have to do is to pause one minute, look into ourselves and find that one thing that separates us from the predatory animals that has no choice but to kill in order to survive.

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Conscience is one. Respect for others too.

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Barely two minutes after the awarding ceremony, eto na ang balita. Headline na naman ang Mindanao. 57 school children and teachers hostaged in Agusan del Sur. Sabi ng report, it is linked to another war of clans or tribal conflict.

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Bakit pati mga inosenteng bata nadamay na naman? Wala naman silang kaalam-alam sa kung ano man ang conflict na yan. And what will happen to these innocent souls? Tatakutin? Ito-torture? Papatayin like the senseless killing na ginawa sa Maguindanao massacre?

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Why don’t these kidnappers and killers look into themselves and find that spark of divine that Obama has just mentioned. And I’m not just talking about the Maguindano massacre but to all the violence and senseless killings na nangyari. Isama na natin ang pag-semento sa bangkay ng isang babae sa kaso ng sister ni Rochelle. Or ang batang pinatay at inilagay sa maleta at itinapon sa dagat. Even that Ivler who shot the son of a Malacanang official dahil lang sa traffic. Isama na rin natin yong mga nababasa natin sa dyaryo na mga tambay sa kanto na basta na lang sinasaksak ang mga nakukursunadahan.

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All these despicable and horrendous violation of the basic right for life, dapat sa mga taong ito ay pumikit saglit. And remind themselves na mga tao pa rin sila. A creature whose genetic build-up includes intelligence, reasoning and the more important conscience. Dahil sigurado naman akong may konsensya pa rin ang mga ito. Alam pa rin nila na wala kahit sino sa kanila ang may karapatang pumatay ng kapwa. Be it senseless killing or not, wala kahit sino ang may karapatan na pumatay ng tao.

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Life is not one of our possessions. Hindi ito atin. You can not equate it to your mansions or luxury cars na pwede mong itapon, sirain, sunugin, ihulog sa bangin or ilibing sa hukay whenever you want to. Ang pagpatay ay hindi ginagawa kung gusto tulad ng gusto mong kumain, matulog o mag-CR.

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Life is something borrowed from the heavens. And if you believe that God exists, kahit ano pa ang pangalan na tinatawag mo kapag nagdadasal ka, you should understand that HE is the one who gave you and everybody the right to breathe, move and live in this world. At SYA lang ang may karapatang kumuha ng buhay na yan.

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But if you lose sight, dahil nalasing ka sa power, nalunod ka sa sobrang kayamanan at akala mo ay Diyos ka na rin who can snuff life off anybody at your whim, think again. Dig deep into your soul. Meron ka nyan. At makikita mo, your conscience will remind you that you are just one insignificant part of this huge, grand scheme of life.

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At siguradong makikita mo na ang pag-torture ng tao ay hindi gawain ng matinong utak. Ang pagbaril sa mukha, pag-mutilate ng ari, pangre-rape and in the end, ang pag-patay na akala mo ay manok o baboy ang pinapatay mo, hindi ito gawain ng taong may konsensya. Hindi ito gawain ng taong may kinikilalang Diyos. Trabaho ito ng taong sumanib na sa dark forces ni Taning.

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Do not miss that spark of divine. You’ll find it in your heart. Then surely, life and respect for it will bring new meaning to you.

parental guidance: highly recommended

Sa araw-araw na pagbabasa ko ng dyaryo, laging may news item tungkol sa isang teen-ager na babaeng na-rape. At maraming kaso na ang rapist, teen-ager din. Kadalasan, nangyari ang krimen dahil nilasing ang dalagita. Then pinagsamantalahan.

Sa lahat din halos ng kaso, the victim knows the attackers. Either kaibigan, boyfriend, kapitbahay or ka-klase. Ilan lang yong kaso ng mga dina-dampot by some total strangers at saka ginagahasa.

Whenever I read something like this, I always put the blame on the girl. Kung hindi kasi umiinom, hindi dapat nangyari. Kahit pa pilitin. Kahit pa kaibigan o boyfriend ang nagpapa-inom.

In the first place, ang pangit tingnan ng isang dalagitang tumutungga ng alak. It is so unlady-like. Pero mukhang marami na ang gumagawa nito. Siguro mahina ang pundasyon ng moral, kulang sa guidance ng magulang, iba ang paligid na kinalakihan or, ang pinakamalala at pinakamahirap na dahilan – sadyang pasaway ang bata. Rebelde. Matigas ang ulo.

Aside from the girl, gusto ko ring batukan ang mga owners ng grocery stores or kahit mga sari-sari na nagbebenta ng alak sa mga kabataan. Ke lalaki o babae, they should not sell alcohol to minors. Di ba sa states, may batas na nagbabawal nito. Sa atin kasi wala. Hindi maisip gawin ng mga lawmakers natin ang ganito. Dahil bahagi na ng kultura natin yong inuutusan ng magulang ang anak na bumili ng ganito-ganyan sa tindahan, including alak. So hindi na bago yong 5-year old kid pero may bitbit na kwatro kantos galing sa tindahan.

Of course hindi ko ina-abswelto ang mga rapist na karamihan ay kabataan din. Wala rin sa katinuan itong mga batang ito na sa halip mag-aral, alak ang inaatupag. At dahil kulang pa sila sa maturity to handle such an adult indulgence, iba ang nagiging takbo ng utak. Kaya pag lasing na, wala nang kinakatakutan.

Ang masakit nito, lives of these youth are being destroyed. Ke yong victim or yong rapist, both will suffer from the consequence of the rape. The girls will suffer the trauma, indignation and stigma that comes with being a rape victim. While the boys will bear the agony and humiliation of the punishment.

Ang nakaka-awa dito, ang mga magulang who do their best to bring up these kids properly. Sa dami ng factors na sumisira ng magagandang bagay na tinuturo nila sa kanilang mga anak, they seem to be fighting an uphill battle.

Siguradong masakit sa dibdib yong lagi kang naghihintay maka-uwi safely ang anak mo kung saan man sya galing. At siguradong halos gumuho ang mundo mo when any of your kids figure in any of these atrocities.

Sana lang ang mga batang ito ay maging mas responsible sa kanilang mga sarili. Sana maintindihan nila that whatever they are doing at the early stages of their lives greatly affect whatever they will become later on. At sana, matutunan nilang pakinggan at sundin ang kanilang mga magulang. Parental guidance is not only for the cinemas. It is the mold that makes us a better person. Ignore it and you’ll turn out otherwise.

the good samaritan

just this week an e-mail circulated among pinoys telling the story of a pinoy salesclerk in one of the bigger home furnishing stores in riyadh. sabi sa kwento, may isang babaeng arabyana raw na nahulog ang bag and the pinoy clerk helped the lady to gather her things. ang masama, the arabyana claimed daw na nawawalan sya ng 3,500 riyals. and it appread na tinuturo si kabayang pinoy na kumuha dahil sya lang naman ang tumulong sa pag-pulot ng mga gamit ng babae.

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to scape embarassment daw at nang hindi na lumaki ang gulo, nanghingi na lang daw ng tulong si kabayan sa mga kapwa-pinoy (siguro mga kasama sa trabaho) at binayaran na lang daw yong 3,500 riyals na hinahanap noong babae. but the story didn't end there. what's worse, he got sacked by his employer. ang reason daw nong kumpanya, if he wasn't guilty, paano nya mababayaran yong amount na sinabi nong babae.

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eto yong kaso ng tumulong ka na, ikaw pa ang napa-sama. obviously, may modus operandi yong babae. and the poor pinoy fell victim. ang masakit lang, mali ang naging diskarte ni kabayan in handling the situation. he could have stood by his innocence, kahit hubaran pa sya at silipin ang kasingit-singitan nya kung may makikita ngang 3,500 riyals sa kanya. kaya sa ginawa nya, i can't blame the company for casting doubt on his integrity. though i find terminating him is way, way overboard.

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a couple of weeks ago, may nabasa naman ako sa online news that a person (can't remember kung babae o lalake yong nasa balita) got sued by his/her own bestfriend for pulling him/her out of a car crash. ang initial reaction ko - what the hell?...

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as i read through the article, may law pala sa states (dunno if it applies to the entire us territory or just a local ruling) na hindi mo pwedeng galawin ang isang victim ng car crash. the law is based on medical fact that any person who had broken limbs from a fall or a car crash can possibly sustain worse or even life-threatening injuries if moved by an inexperienced medical personnel. that is why, instead na nakatulong ka, naging cause ka pa ng mas grabeng pinsala sa tinulungan mo.

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valid as it may be, i still find the ruling a bit bothering. paano kung isang taong mahal mo ang naipit sa isang kotse? would you try to pull him/her out of the wreckage or would you just ignore the outstretched hand begging for help dahil takot kang makasuhan later on? and what if the car explodes into a huge ball of fire? hindi ba't mas malaking dagok ng konsensya if you didn't pull him/her out of that car? isn't it better to have him/her still around, even on a wheelchair rather than him/her ending as a charred body?

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in both cases, isa lang ang kinakalungkot ko. that the basic goodness of human nature - the instinct to extend a helping hand, is being defeated by some evil forces na tao rin ang gumawa. that law sucks. and that scheming lady sucks. ngayon, magse-second thought na ako whenever i'm confronted with a situation where i have to bring out the good samaritan in me. masakit nito, baka hindi na good samaritan ang lumabas. coz simply by having second thought, the help could be a bit late.

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what a few words can do

i've spent a good part of today chatting with friends. i had four threads - 3 individuals at isang grupo where i was doing either counselling or consoling to the guys na kausap ko.

yong isa, tungkol sa lovelife ang topic. meron lang syang ilang maliliit na concerns about his labidabs. actually madaling sagutin for anybody like me who's not in the relationship. di ba ganon nga raw talaga, you can see better kaya madali mong makita ang sagot coz hindi ikaw ang involved and you're just expressing your opinion base sa mga sinasabi nya. i think nakatulong naman yong mga practical kong sagot/advise. he even thanked me for sharing some of my pragmatic views in in life. and love, most importantly.

two good friends are having situations sa trabaho. separately though.

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yong isa, may frustration kasi may inaantay syang improvement na hindi nangyari. and he was a bit depressed when things didn't turn out the way he was expecting. so i had to do some consoling to prop up his dampened moods.

yong isa naman is more of concern about his job security because of the economic crisis. and i understood his concern when he told me where the fear is coming from. i ended sharing one secret na ginagawa ko in handling my finances. i guess he got some encouragement based on his last mail na medyo upbeat na ang tono nya.

on the group naman ng mga kaibigan kong puro lokotoy, medyo personal at for adult ang usapan. pero kahit puro kalokohan ang inumpisahan, i was able to inject some sense sa mga pinag-uusapan. some practical analysis of life na kahit dinaan ko sa biro at kalokohan, pinilit ko pa ring lagyan ng sense so that they could reflect on the situation. i just hope that it helps them even one teeny-weeny bit pagdating sa intimate moments nila ng kanilang respective wives.

as the day ended, natawa ako sa nangyari maghapon. i got a sense of achievement na marami akong natulungan sa araw na ito. i'm not trying to be wiser than these guys. older pwede dahil medyo mas lamang ako ng 1 or 2 years sa age sa karamihan sa kanila. but wiser, no. these are intelligent people also na may kanya-kanyang experiences, prinsipyo at paniniwala.

but the fact that they listened to what i said and gave it a thought, malaking bagay na sa akin yon. it might be a few words na nai-share ko sa kanila. but if it helped them in any way, i would be very happy.

hmmm.... now i should consider taking up psychology. haha!

a balancing act

I once read somewhere that in the US, emotional quotient (EQ) is used by top corporations as one of the criteria in hiring their employees. It is given the same weight as the intelligence quotient (IQ) along with the usual qualifications like educational and professional background.

Ang sabi sa report, the rationale behind it daw is that EQ plays an important role in one's decision making. Maaring member ka ng MENSA but if you show signs of emotional immaturity, you'll most likely find your name at the bottom of the short listed names of applicants for the same position.

Sa atin sa Pilipinas, pinasikat ang EQ ng isang commercial ng infant formula. As if naman emotional maturity can be fed into a baby via a feeding bottle. Syempre hindi naman totoo yon. Coz any form of maturity is something you work on as you go along the daily rigors of life.

In my own experience, may mga ilang sitwasyon na where my EQ have played a very crucial role whenever I am making decisions. Dati, dahil immature pa nga ako and for sure mababa pa ang aking emotional quotient, may mga bagay akong nagawa that, looking back, I could have done better kung mataas na sana ang EQ ko.

I've said insensitive things dahil galit ako. Even if my brain is very well aware na makakasakit ako ng feelings ng ibang tao, most specially ng mga family members ko, I still said it because I let my emotions rule me at that particular instance. Resulting to relationships broken and family ties severed.

Sa trabaho, madalas din akong magkaroon ng kabangga simply because of my being sensitive and emotional. Pag nainis ako sa isang tao, sa ginawa nya or sa sinabi nya, I make it a point to confront him/her head on. I retaliate with no mercy. Vengeance is always the order of the day. Buti na lang hindi ako napaaway ng matindi. But I know that situation could have been handled better had I not let my emotions rule me.

Now that I've reached a certain level of maturity (at least sa pagkaka-alam ko, hehehe) I think I'm starting to handle things better. I try to base my decisions not purely on what I feel but a combination of what I feel and what I think. It's hard and it's always a struggle pero sinusubukan ko.

The most recent is the last few months where i went through a period of uncertainty sa trabaho. Kung sinunod ko lang ang nararamdaman ko, I might have packed up my bags and walked out. But my brain tells me that doing what I feel will only lead to my own detriment. Lalayas ako sa isang trabahong nagpapakain sa akin at sa pamilya ko, without even a fall back or alternative plan. Tipong bahala na. All because I don’t feel like staying anymore. Mali di ba. Buti na lang I let my head rule.

I think nag-umpisa yong emotional maturity ko from having experienced love. Corny but true. Without going into details, this is one area where I've proven to myself that I can be one tough cookie. I didn't let myself be blinded by whatever my heart feels pagdating sa mga ganitong sitwasyon. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan yong mga taong nagsasabing they are blindly in love.

Aside from love, the challenges that I faced must have played a big part on my maturity. And these challenges taught me a lot on how to put up with very little for a loftier goal. It also gave me the the ability to bear pain. And in the end, it taught me how to balance my emotions, control my longings, lower my overblown pride and be more secure about who and what I am.

In short, it's a matter of learning how to take the reins in your own hand. Afterall, it's your life. It's your existence. And whatever you do, whatever decisions you make, it is you who will benefit or suffer from it.

So better make better decisions. Analyze what your mind is saying. Dig deep into what your heart is feeling. And use EQ and IQ as a tool. Not the other way around.
Afterall, the head and the heart are both created to give you a balanced life. You cannot let your head rule you all the time. You'll end up as another Hitler or Mussolini. At the same time, hindi pwedeng puro puso ang paiiralin natin. Or else, you'll end up a total wreck. Kaya balansehin natin. And I think that's the best weapon we have in this crazy game called life.