amazing grace

When I came back from my first vacation last Feb 3, nabanggit ko kay fwend kong Edgard na nakita ko sa in-flight music channel ng Qatar Airways yong first album ni Susan Boyle. A couple of days later, heto at binigay na nya yong mp3 copy nong buong I Dreamed a Dream album. Little did I know that one of the songs in there will be significant in the coming days. Dahil nga in less than a month, babalik pala ako ng Pinas to bury my Mom.

During the wake ni mother, gumawa ako ng slideshow ng mga pictures nya. Sort of a tribute to the last few years ni madir lalo yong mga pictures nya nong pinapasyal ko sya sa mga mall at restaurants when she was still in Sta Rosa. The days when she was smiling a lot more than usual dahil lagi kong pinapatawa. To make the slideshow more dramatic, syempre kailangan ng musical score. And there’s nothing else more fitting but Susan’s rendering of Amazing Grace.

Nilagay ko si laptop sa ibabaw ng casket ni madir para may napapanood ang mga nakabantay sa kanya lalo sa gabi. Kaya lang mahina ang sound nong unit at wala akong speakers na mahagilap (nasa Mindoro po kami, remember). Kaya inagaw ko muna ang headphone ng pamangkin kong ginagamit nya sa PSP. Kaya pag may lalapit at manonood nong slides, they had to put on the headphone. Imagine you’re in Odyssey at meron kang isang music CD na gustong i-try before buying? Parang ganon. Well, at least everybody liked the slideshow dahil naramdaman yong background music. Besides, sinasamahan ko ng kwento yong bawat picture kaya mahaba-habang kwentuhan ang inaabot, tanggal ang antok ng mga naglalamay.

Nong inayos na namin sa simbahan ang schedule ng interment, sabi ko sa Ate ko na i-request sa church choir the same song. Sagot ba naman ng Manang sa admin office nong simbahan “Ano Yon”? Aba, hindi ka taong simbahan kung hindi mo alam yon! Naalala ko tuloy ang sabi ko kay fwend Edgard na tatawagin ko si Susan Boyle para sya ang kumanta sa requiem mass!

Pagpunta namin sa office ng funeral service, sinabi ko rin sa kanila na gusto ko yon ang i-play sa hearse during the procession. Wala naman daw problema as long as I have it in mp3 format! ‘Sosyal’ sabi ko sa sarili ko. Nasa malayong probnisya nga ba ako ng Mindoro at mp3 na ang labanan!

Eniweys, nasunod naman lahat ng request ko. Nakarating at narinig si Susan Boyle in a far-flung place na ewan ko kung may nakakakilala naman sa kanya. Kasama din syempre ang favorite kong si Josh Groban whose To Where You Are and You Raise Me Up echoes in the wind habang marahang umuusad ang karo. At syempre, mawawala ba naman ang walang kamatayang Hindi Kita Malilimutan ni Basil Valdez na ewan ko ba naman kung bakit naging theme song na yata ng mga prosesyon sa libing.

Pagdating ng simbahan, binulong sa akin ng Ate ko na alam daw nong isang choir member yong Amazing Grace. Buti naman, sabi ko. Or else talagang ipo-protesta ko itong simbahang ito at hindi alam ang isa sa mga pinakamagandang gospel song. At yon nga, towards the end of the mass, narinig ko na yong request ko. Kaso lalaki yong kumanta at pang-pop ang boses kaya hindi masyadong effective. Okey lang sana kung medyo mala-Boccelli ang timbre o kahit Jed Madela na lang. Besides, tipong hindi nya kabisado ang lyrics kaya may mga parteng pinapagulong lang para lang makaraos. Ah well, at least nasunod ang gusto ko.

Looking back, I think it was a mistake on my part. Na yong gusto ko ang nasunod. Hindi ko naisip kung ano yong gusto ni madir. Dapat pala naipakanta ko sa choir at naisama sa musical scoring nong kanyang prosesyon ang super-favorite nyang Sa Baybay Dagat. Although problemang malaki kung saan ako hahanap ng choir na alam yong kantang yon. At mas malaking problema kung saan ako kukuha ng mp3 version, if ever na meron!

Going back to Amazing Grace, just in case na maligaw dito yong choir member, heto ang saktong lyrics nong kanta. With this, hindi ko na rin kailangang i-explain kung bakit ito ang ginawa kong theme song ng pamamaalam ni madir sa mundong ibabaw. Coz I know that she’s within God’s Amazing Grace right now.

Amazing Grace

John Newton (1725-1807)

Stanza 6 anon.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost but now am found,

Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.

And Grace, my fears relieved.

How precious did that Grace appear

The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares

I have already come;

'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far

and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.

His word my hope secures.

He will my shield and portion be,

As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,

And mortal life shall cease,

I shall possess within the veil,

A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years

Bright shining as the sun.

We've no less days to sing God's praise

Than when we've first begun.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost but now am found,

Was blind, but now I see.

hotnothot 27

Hotnot: Dubai’s delusion. Despite the fact that they are still in the hole for not paying their billions of debt, heto ang Dubai at nagmamaganda na naman. Today, they’re having their Dubai World Cup, a horseracing event with a whopping 10 million US$ prize. What’s more unpalatable is the fact that this event will be held in the newly-built race course constructed to the tune of 1billion US$! Such ostentatious display despite the fact that they are cash-strapped and way under the red leaves a bad taste in the mouth. Nakakatawang isipin that despite a magnitude 7 wake-up call just a couple of months ago when Abu Dhabi had to rescue them from an embarrassing situation, they still haven’t woken up from their delusions of grandeur.
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Hothot: The 2010 Torino Championships. While watching the Figure Skating Championships, nagulat ako nong napansin ko yong Philippine flag na naka-sabit sa loob ng skating rink. So I looked at the events site at yon nga, may dalawa palang Pinay na nakapasok sa competition this year. Lauren Ko and Mericien Venzon, though both based in US, are carrying the Philippine flag. They skated their short program yesterday and will be doing their Free skate today. Kahit pa sabihing nasa bottom pa sila ng standing, to be included in such a prestigious group is already an honor for our country. Considering na wala namang snow sa Pinas para mag-skate sila ng ganon kagaling. Hope they do good in this competition, kahit personal best lang or Seasons best ang ma-beat nila ok na.

Hotnot: The Pope and his priests. Under fire ngayon ang Catholic Church because of the very hot issue about priests who committed crimes of sexual abuse particularly against young boys. The Pope issued an apology statement last week but that didn’t stop the ripple. In fact, lalong lumala ang sitwasyon dahil lumalabas ngayon na even the closest aide to the Pope knows what’s going on but didn’t do anything to punish the erring priests. With that in mind, kinu-kwestyon na rin kung talaga bang walang alam ang Pope? Kung may alam, bakit walang ginawa? The top aide already resigned pero hindi pa rin napa-pacify ang mga tao. Protests are going on particularly in Ireland where there are more cases of abuse. They are saying the Pope isn’t doing enough. I agree. A letter of apology cannot hide the fact that there have been perpetual consecration of the Church over the years. And “sorry” just doesn’t cut it. Heads must roll if the Church is to cleanse itself of the devils hiding under the sanctity of the robe.

Hothot: Anne’s nipslip. Pinag-pistahan ang paglitaw ng isang dibdib ni Anne Curtis sa kanilang Boracay presentation. Aksidente daw, na-edit man sa Tv pero sa dami ng nakatutok na celphone at camera, na-upload din sa internet. Nakiusap ang mga taga-Channel 2 na wag nang i-upload. Umiiyak daw madalas si Anne Curtis sa kahihiyan. Ang sa akin naman, if you’re going on a national television (lalo na sa major networks na buong mundo na ang coverage), at ayaw mong masilipan, bakit hind mag-ingat? Ayaw mo palang makitaan ng private parts, bakit haharap ka sa tv ng walang pangloob? Lumabas ka sa stage ng nakapalda, mahaba nga, pero humangin. Eh di nakita ang tinatago mo? Saka ka ngangawa? I’ve got no pity for people like these. Carelessness is just one step short of stupidity.

the secrets of their eyes

The aircraft already started its descent habang nasa last few minutes yong aking 3rd movie na pinanood aboard Qatar Airways. Buti na lang, nong tumakbo na ang credits nong film, sakto namang pinatay na ang in-flight entertainment dahil magla-land na nga. Ang sama siguro ng loob ko kung hindi yon natapos.

Argentina’s El Secretos de sus Ojos (The Secrets of Their Eyes), winner of Best Foreign language film last Oscar awards, is one movie na hindi ko pinagsisihang panoorin kahit inaantok ako. It proves once again that Hollywood doesn’t have the monopoly to excellent films.

It’s the story of a Buenos Aires Federal Investigation agent Benjamin Esposito (played by Ricardo Darin) told in a flashback format. Nag-umpisa yong film in 1999 when Benjamin is already retired from the service, walang magawa at naisipang magsulat ng story about his life. Little did he know that his novel will put an end to things na akala nya ay closed chapters na ng kanyang buhay.

He chose to write the story of a rape-slay case he handled in 1974. Masyado syang na-involve sa kasong ito because of the bond he formed with the victim’s husband, bank employee Ricardo Morales. Significant din ang mga panahon na yon sa buhay ni Benjamin dahil dito dumating ang babaeng minahal nya, ang magandang Harvard-educated lawyer na si Irene Menendez-Hastings (played by Soledad Villamil). A classy lady coming from an affluent and powerful family, si Irene ang naging section chief ni Benjamin noong tinatrabaho nya ang rape-slay case.

As Benjamin pursues the case, kasabay namang nadedevelop ang unspoken love between him and Irene. Though that love never get to surface dahil pareho nilang pinigil. Hanggang nag-asawa si Irene ng iba. And he thought that’s the end of their story.

Benjamin was able to solve the case, nahuli ang rape-slay perpetrator (Isidoro Gomez) at akala nya tapos na rin ang kaso. But barely a year after, Gomez was freed by a rival federal agent. Ang dahilan: napapakinabangan si Gomez dahil ginagamit itong informant at hitman for the Peronist party.

Then, in Benjamin’s own house, Sandoval (his assistant and close friend) was murdered by what appears to be henchmen connected to Gomez. Fearing for his life, Benjamin retreated to a province far from Buenos Aires sa tulong ni Irene and her family connections.

Doon na inabutan ng retirement si Benjamin. At bumalik lang sya ng Buenos Aires nang malapit nang matapos ang kanyang sinusulat na novel. He showed it first to Irene. Then the love story we thought has ended is just about to get a second wind.

Ganon din ang nangyari nong hinanap nya si Ricardo Morales who is now assigned to a quiet, little town. At dito, may isang istorya pa palang akala nya ay tapos na pero dito lang magkakaroon ng closure.

Armed with an interesting story, the Director Juan Jose Campanella created one excellent film. Supported by a very effective editing team who presented scenes shifting back and forth between the late 90’s and the early 70’s but will never confuse or lose you in the process. Magaling din ang production design coz they were able to recreate Buenos Aires on the same two time frames authentically.

Aside from Oscars, may iba pang international awards na napanalunan itong pelikulang ito including The Goya Award (Spanish version ng Oscar). And I’d say it deserves all the honors it reaped. Kaya nga sabi ko, kung nag-land ang eroplano at hindi ko natapos ang pelikulang ito, ang sama siguro ng loob ko. At hindi ko nakita yong talagang ending. Which I will not tell you. Hanapin nyo na lang and watch it for yourself!

the bright side

After The Hurt Locker, I watched The Blind Side. Gusto ko namang makita kung bakit finally ay nakakuha na ng Oscar nod si Sandra Bullock after her many forgettable movies. At tinalo pa nya ang mga Oscar royalties like Dame Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep who is now on her record 16th nomination!

Nakakabilib nga naman ang pinakitang acting maturity ni Sandra dito. Believable sya as a white rich wife who was strong-willed and, at times fiery, yet possesses an unquestionably loving and caring heart. Sandra showed firm and convincing characterization of Leigh Ann Touhy (based on true story pala ito) from start to finish. Kaya hindi na masama ang loob ko if she beat my eternal fave Meryl.

May konting inconsistency lang akong nakita – something that I have become so aware of dahil sa kapapanood kay Meryl in her countless multi-accent roles before. Yon yong Southern twang nya (Sandra) na medyo nagpa-falter here and there. Minsan very pronounced yong accent nya, minsan wala. But other than that, it was Leigh Ann Touhy that registered in my mind all the way.

I’d give credit to director John Lee Hancock for squeezing the juices out of Sandra dahil nabantayan niya at na-eliminate ang mga pangit na movements/habits ni Sandra na dala-dala nya sa kahit anong pelikulang ginawa nya. Like yong akala mo’y nagi-i-stutter sya everytime she had to deliver a line in an emotionally intense scene. Dito, diretso ang delivery nya ng linya with much conviction and the right emotion.

But aside from making Sandra act, John Lee did a wonderful job in the whole film itself. Ito kasing mga ganitong klase ng story ang pwedeng-pwedeng gawing tearjerker ng isang OA na director. With him having full control of the material (he also wrote it based on a book by Michael Lewis), madali niyang i-manipulate ang istory to make it more dramatic. He could have used the husband (ably played by Tim McGraw, a delightful surprise) para kontrahin ang pagkupkop ni Leigh Anne kay Big Mike. O kaya gawin nyang bratty yong panganay na dalagita. All to create conflict, confrontations and drama. But John Lee chose not to.

Kung totoo mang walang conflict na naganap sa pamilya Touhy when they took in a black kid, saludo ako kay John Lee for not tinkering with it. It only shows that he didn’t want to go soapy and soggy. Instead, he created a drama without the usual mix of screaming, emotional breakdowns and what –have-you. There were a few tears here and there, may isa o dalawang very controlled confrontation scenes but that’s about it. And yet, lumabas na very heartfelt yong buong pelikula.

It didn’t beg for you to pity Big Mike. It didn’t come across as preachy. It didn’t shove down your throat the goodness of the Touhy family. Instead, it allowed you to feel for Michael naturally. It gently put your mindset to feel good. And made you think that yes, if I am in the same shoes of the Touhy family, I will do the same thing.

And that, I think, was the strength of the whole film that made it a big hit. It’s a heart-warming movie that made me feel good after its 120 minutes run. It made me believe once again that in this ruthless and greedy world, may mga tao pa ring gumagawa ng kabutihan sa kapwa. And because of that, talagang deserving sya sa nomination nya for Oscar Best Picture. The Blind side giving us the bright side of life.

sending avatar to the hurt locker

After the Oscars’ glitz faded, we all know that Avatar failed to win the major awards. The Hurt Locker won the Best Picture and Kathryn Bigelow became the first woman to be given the Best Director award (which Jane Campion should have achieved a long time ago). Noong pinapanood ko yong awards night, hindi ko pa napanood ang Hurt Locker kaya I just shrugged off Avatar’s loss. Naisip ko lang ‘hmmm… maganda siguro talaga ito kaya sinemplang ang paborito kong Avatar’.

On my flight back to Dammam, natuwa na naman ako sa in-flight entertainment ng Qatar Airways. Dahil ayun na naman ang mga kapapanalo lang ng Oscars. First choice ko syempre ang Hurt Locker (watched 3 movies again on the 9-hr flight! Ugh! I’ll tell you about the other two later). I gotta see for myself what made this film better than my favorite James Cameron opus.

Alam ko namang war movie sya kaya hindi ko sya hahanapan ng mga visually stunning scenes like what I saw in Avatar. Instead, ang ini-expect ko ay isang highly engaging film dahil nga war movie sya. Most particularly, I’m looking for that wow factor that will convince me that yes, this is a better film than Avatar and yes, it deserves it’s awards.

Pero kalahati pa lang ng film parang gusto ko nang ihinto. Napilitan na lang akong tapusin. In fact, seeing it only reinforced my conviction that Avatar should have won the highest honors.

Agree naman ako that it was an excellent portrayal of actual events in Iraq particularly on a small unit of US Army EOD (Explosive Ordnance Disposal). Kuhang-kuha naman talaga yong tension, the action, the death, the violence and the senselessness of a war. And I agree with critics who called it raw and visceral. Saludo ako kay Kathryn Bigelow for coming up with something as ‘astig’ as this. She must be one tough lady to have crafted such a testosterone-filled movie.

According to write-ups, this movie was based from the stories/reports of a journalist embedded in one of the troops fighting in Iraq. Doon siguro nanggaling yong pagkadismaya ko. Because it was a compilation of events that took place in a band of army, wala yong traditional story-telling ng isang pelikula. Nothing holds the film together to make it coherent. Para ka lang talagang nanonood ng isang maganda at highly effective na documentary. Kaya naisip ko, It should rather be a 3-part HBO series like The Band of Brothers instead of putting it in the league of ’86 Best Picture Platoon.

Dahil nga walang character development kaya hindi mo maiintindihan at hindi ka makikisimpatya kung bakit ganon yong mga tao sa pelikula. Lalo na yong bida (Sergeant First Class William James) who was portrayed as someone who is recklessly heroic to the point of being an idiot. Hindi ako natutuwa at hindi ako nakikisimpatya sa mga characters na tulad niya. Yong tipong unconventional pero hindi in-explain kung bakit at basta na lang nagpapaka-rambo, unjustifiably violating rules (specially the procedures of something as dangerous as bomb disposal) just for the sake of making them look the part of the hero. Sa akin hindi yon heroism. That’s plain and simple stupidity. At alam kong walang bomb experts ang gagawa ng ganon sa totoong buhay. Ito yong lagi kong sinasabing cinematic effects pero sinasakripisyo ang authenticity nong film.

Because of the documentary-type format, it only allows you to watch from a safe distance but never get involved. In fact, para lang akong nanonood sa isang one-way mirror. I stand witness to the gory details of bombs exploding, body parts a-flying and blood a-spurting. But I was just that – a witness. Hindi ako na-involve kasi nga hindi ako maka-simpatya sa mga bida. At times I was even cursing William and hoped that the bomb would explode dahil gustong-gusto ko na syang sabihan ng ‘buti nga sa yo, g*go!


But why did it win the critics over? Because, according to them, it is the best Iraq war movie as of yet. This means that anything that comes their way, if it is well crafted and about Iraq, deserves their respect. Bakit? Because this film provides them the timely vehicle to piggy-back their sentiments towards the American government who have been dipping its toes on unwinnable wars.

Lately, the call to stop these wars has never been louder. The American people (even the Canadians, Europeans and Australians) have been asking their government to send the troops home. Ayaw na nilang magpadala ng young men and women na bumabalik in caskets. Tag-hirap na ang karamihan ng Kano and they’d rather have their taxes spent on their poor, hindi sa giyera ng kung sino. Kaso, dedma sa kanila ang gobyerno nila. Kaya they need The Hurt Locker to bring their case to a wider audience.

So lobbyists for this film didn’t find it hard to market the film. Na hindi kayang tapatan ng Avatar kahit gaano pa ito kaganda technically, artistically and aesthetically. Because to them, Iraq and Afghanistan is more urgent than maintaining the balance of nature and preventing catastrophic results that could wipe out the entire human race from the planet earth. Duh!

Back to the Oscar awards nights, one of the earlier awards given out was that of the Best Supporting Actress. Si Monique ang nanalo and during her acceptance speech, may binanggit syang pasasalamat dahil daw Oscars was not about politics. Nong sinabi nya yon, I’m sure she wasn’t aware that just a few minutes away comes the greatest contradiction to what she said. She must be sorry to have spoken too soon.

one lovely reunion

finally, after dodging their invites a few times before, i had a chance to meet up with some very good friends from magnus-des days through a dinner cum reunion yesterday (monday, 15th) in cyma, a greek resto somewhere in greenbelt.

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afraid of getting lost in the new maze of greenbelt, i went to king's court first where ferdie and ma (say em-ey) are now holding offices. both are now bigwigs of coca-cola export group and ferdie showed me his and ma's workplaces. then we headed to cyma via ma's chauffeur-driven brand new everest where she wowed me with her soon-to-be-hit composition (one of her many hidden talents!).

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petite, a picture of a happy and contented full time mom took time out from her mothering role and met us. then the healthy food took a backseat as we chatted and laughed about what's new and what's old. specially the what's old part coz we all had a blast while recalling faces and places from our magnus stint.

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ma and ferdie are still very much the workaholics i knew (still had to go back to the office at 8pm? call it dedication to work or what!). while both petite and i gained a few pounds (and looked better, haha!).

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but what hasn't changed is the fact that afterll all these years, talking to this people, just hanging out with them is still a pleasurable experience. if you can still talk and laugh and kid around the same way with people you haven't seen in 10 years, then that really is something.

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ferds, petite and ma, thanks for a staying the same friends i knew back then. and i hope next time we'll have hes, pam and ed as well to complete the gang. till then, stay cool you guys.

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my kumpareng ferdie (dami ko na utang sa inaanak ko! hehehe)

still the lovely and sweet ma whose artistic talents are now starting to surface!

gotta have a pic with the future hitmaker of the recording industry

and that's proud mom peite at the middle

us 10 years after the bmws!

pinoy nga tayo

The past week na naging abala kami at pagod, physically and emotionally, may mga bagay pa ring pumapasok sa utak ko na hindi pwedeng hindi ko isulat. Marami akong nakita at na-observe na sabi ko nga sa isang pinsan ko, ay nakakatawa at kung magpapaka-lalim ka ay siguradong maiinis ka.

Eto yong mga kustombre at kinagawian ng kulturang Pinoy, either local sa aming probinsya or widely observed across the whole nation. Wag na lang tayong magpakalalim para hindi tayo mainis at daanin na lang natin sa kalokohan. Magbibigay na lang ako ng awards this time na tipong mala-Razzie. Here goes.

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The Ded Na Si Lolo Award. Ibibigay ko ito sa isang Tiyahin ko na nag-matanda pagdating sa mga pamahiin. Ang dami nyang pamahiin na lumitaw during my mother’s wake. Kesyo bawal maligo, bawal mag-walis at maglinis before the 5^th day. Kaya ang mga pobreng tao sa bahay hindi agad makalapit at makayakap sa akin when I arrived. During the pa-syam, bawal daw buhatin ang plato, pinakain kaming magkakapatid ng sabay-sabay and out of the blue, bigla kaming sinabuyan ng asin. Biglang umalat ang pagkain namin at buti na lang walang tinamaan sa mata or else ang hapdi non. At syempre, during the burial hindi nawala yong ginawang bola ang mga bata sa taas ng kabaong. Tuwang-tuwa ang makukulit kong mga apo dahil akala nilalaro lang sila. Sabi nga naming magkakapatid, wala kami sa posisyon para sumuway dahil magmumukha kaming suwail. But the fact na parang OA na ang matatanda sa pagsasabi ng mga bawal, feeling ko parang nag-power trip na lang ang mga manang!

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The Markang Demonyo Award. This goes to all the manginginom including my pamangkins, tiyuhin at iba pang tambay na walang inantay kungdi ang patak ng San Miguel. Bakit ba naman pag may okasyon ang pamilya hindi nawawala ang inuman. At palibhasa hindi naman ako drinker, naiinis ako sa mga lasing na makukulit. At mas nakakainis pag may nagwala na o nag-away. Gusto kong ipukpok ang bote ng gin sa mga ulo nila.

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The Dead Weight Award. Ibibigay ko ito sa ilang pamangkin kong nabulyawan ko dahil nagkakagulo na kami sa dami ng trabaho pero ayon sila at naka-cross legs pa ang pagkaka-upo. Akala eh mga donya silang sila ang dapat silbihan instead na sila ang magsilbi. Para sa akin, sa mga ganong pagkakataon when unity is required, ang hindi nila pagpa-participate, kung hindi dahil sa katamaran ay dahil gusto nilang magpa-sosi.

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The PG Award. One ugly reality na nakikita natin sa mga okasyon, kahit sa burol, ay ang mga taong gusto lang makalibre ng tanghalian at hapunan. Isama na rin natin ang almusal. I can’t help but wince in disgust nong may marinig ako sa isang babaeng nagmamadaling lumabas ng gate. Hindi siguro ako kilala kaya walang prenong nagreklamo sa nakasalubong nya na wala naman daw pagkain. Ang kapal. Pag-alis nya, pina-serve ko na yong dinner. Ewan ko lang kung bumalik nong maamoy ang pagkain! Walang ibang recipient itong award na ito kungdi ang babaeng yon!

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The FIP (feeling important person) Award. Ito naman yong mga bisitang sa halip na makiramay, sila pa ang nakaka-istorbo. Either ayaw tumanggap ng kahit anong ialok mo or manghihingi ng kung anong hindi available at tatakbo ka pa kung saan para lang ma-grant ang request nila. Considering na lamay yon at hindi sosyalan, sana hindi na lang nagpunta kung makakaistorbo lang. May ilang maarteng bisita na tatanggap nito, hati-hati na lang sila!

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The Tong-Its Award. Sa dami ng nakipag-lamay, meron akong mga nakitang hindi naman talaga pakikiramay ang pinunta. Some of them were just using the occasion as an excuse para iraos ang kakatihan sa pagsusugal. May ilang nag-uumpisa early in the evening at talagang nagbabad naman hanggang sikatan na ng araw the following day. But never once did they took a peek sa casket. Sabagay, mabuti na ring nandon sila, pampadami ng bilang. Besides, malakas mag-tong kaya may pambili na ng kape!

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The Trying Hard Actress Award. It happened noong Tatay ko ang nakaburol. Biglang dumating ang isang tiyahin kong naglinya ng kung ano-ano habang umaatungal ng iyak. May mga linyang napa-aray ako kaya sabi ko sa mga nasa paligid ilayo na sya dahil baka masapak ko pa. Hurting kuno sa pagkawala ng kapatid nya pero wag ka... best actress nga.

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The Romeo and Juliet Award. I’ll hand it out to the teenagers na ginawang lover’s lane yong lawn namin. Nakakita ng excuse na lumabas at mag-stay out late pero hindi yong wake ang talagang pinunta. Kinatagpo lang ang kanilang mga labidabs. Naku mga bata, baka multuhin kayo ng namatay, kayo rin!

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And lastly, The Tasnee (plastikan) Award na walang aagaw dahil aking-akin ito! Kasi, in any family occasion, ito ang isa sa mga challenges ko. Ang harapin ang mga tao at kamag-anak na hindi ko type. Yong mga nakaka-irita na di bale na lang hindi ko makita at maka-usap. But unfortunately, dahil sa kultura ng Pinoy na ang kamag-anak ay parang exponent raised to the nth power, lalabas lahat ng mga kamag-anak mo raw. Parang kasalanan mo pa kung hindi mo sila matandaan or hindi mo sila totally kilala. Nagulat din ako when in two different nights, dalawang lasing ang yumakap sa akin at nag-eemote na wala na raw si Tiya. Which means pinsan ko sila. Pero ni hindi ko nga kilala! Pero syempre lasing kaya hindi pwedeng barahin. Kaya nilabas ko ang kakaunti kong naitatagong plastikan skill. Kaya nga sabi ko walang aagaw sa award na ito!

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There you go. Tinawanan ko na lang at ginawang joke instead na magpaka-seryoso. Dahil wala akong aabutin kungdi ang mainis sa mga kustombreng ito kung magpapaka-lalim ako. And I’m sure you’ve seen em all too.

thank you

After all is said and done, I guess there’s nothing else left to do but to acknowledge those who have given me their love and support in this sad part of my life.

Let me start with my best friend/confidante Mau who has proven that consanguinity doesn’t necessarily come by blood relations. Hindi sya galing sa kahit anong parte ng aking family tree but with all the help and support he’s been giving me all these years, para na syang tunay na kadugo. At sa pagkawala ng aking mother dear, nandon sya para tumulong in every way he can. Thanks a million dear Mauie.

I was also touched by the support na pinakita ng mga Adik. From Ega whose comforting words gave me so much strength. Thanks din to JunC, Wing, Ariel, James, Vayren, Ricky, Norman, Mark, Bong and Marco who proved simple gestures can show how big one’s heart is. Thanks to Matt also who took the time para ihatid ako sa airport. Not to forget Tserman Raoul na nag-abala sa pagpa-pass the envelope even if it means being reminded of one sad moment of his life as well. Mga ka-adik, maraming salamat from the bottom of my adik heart.

Thanks to Jonas too. Tulad ng bilin mo, binili ko si Nanay ng isang white bouquet which provided a very fitting accent sa maganda nyang casket. Salamat din sa ibang mga friends from Suhaimi like Henry, James and Bro who sent their consoling messages.

Salamat din sa mga DS followers who expressed their sympathy - to Marvin, Jay at lalo na kay Anthony na kahit hindi ko kilala at hindi ko nakita sa buong buhay ko was quick to offer his condolences.

Friends from my previous works like Patrick from Hadeed and the Al-Tuwairqi group who gave me their heartfelt condolences. Cesar, Tatz and Caloi. Mga kaibigan na kahit madalang kaming mag-tawagan or mag-email, still stay connected and will always be there to give their support lalo sa mga ganitong oras.

As well as my long-time friends/officemates from Magnus-DES who, despite the years of not seeing each other still remember the strong bond of friendship we had developed almost a decade ago. Ferdie, MA, Hes, Petite, Pam and Ed are the kind of friends I’m lucky to have found in this life.

Hindi ko rin pwedeng kalimutan ang aking Tiaong family – Mama, Papa, Myles and the rest of the brood whose love gives me the strength to weather storms even if it’s as big as this.

Malaking tulong ang aking mga pinsang barangay councillors Mario and Noli pati sa tiyuhin kong ex-councilor Viyo. Pati na sa barangay officials na sumuporta by providing us tents, chairs and even the 12 units of free transpo during the cortege.

Maraming salamat din sa mga pinsan ko from the Delmo family headed by Ate Azon, municipal councillors Dunhill and Dondon, Ate Grace, Manong Vino and retired police chief Manong Espelo whom I’ve shared a very insightful conversation during one of the waking nights.

Syempre kasama sa pasasalamat ang Tya Ita with her amigas na nag-dasal araw-araw sa burol until the pa-syam. Sya rin ang adviser namin sa mga paniniwala at tradisyon na sinusunod sa mga ganong pagkakataon. Although I must say na sa dami ng bawal, nagmukhang kinulang sa research ang Ded Na Si Lolo.

Hindi ko rin makakalimutan ang lahat ng mga members ng TODA sa aming barangay who attended in full force sa libing. Pati ang choir member sa simbahan who did his best para mapagbigyan ang request kong Amazing Grace during the requiem mass.

Lastly, my utmost gratitude to my brothers and sisters who stayed by my side and showed unity in this trying moments. Ganon din ang mga pamangkin ko, pinsan at kamag-anak na tumulong at hindi pinansin ang puyat at pagod sa 6 na araw na burol hanggang sa pa-syam.

These are the people whose sympathy, love and support somehow made the sorrow of losing Nanay bearable. On behalf of my Nanay na pinarangalan ninyo sa inyong taos-pusong pakikiramay, maraming maraming salamat po sa inyong lahat.

beyond the grief

August 1995 when I had to fly back home to bury my father. Back then, everything was a blur. Lahat naging hazy, parang abstract painting right after I read the fax message bearing the bad news. I was like a walking zombie. Buhay, kumikilos pero wala ang utak at ispirito sa katawan. I could have boarded a plane to Zimbabwe and never cared. Ayaw kong umuwi dahil alam ko kung ano ang naghihintay. But I had to.

Now, it’s the same story all over again. Everything went surreal when I read the text message telling me that mother passed away. And I had to fly back home once again to bury the last person on earth who gives me great inspiration. Para na naman akong zombie. Walking, talking and even managing a few fake laughter here and there but never really feeling a bit of it. Coz my heart is in great pain.

All eyes were on me when I arrived home. They were expecting something dramatic from me dahil ako ang nakita nilang nagbuhos ng pagmamahal sa aking Ina (which is quite unfair for my brothers and sisters who loved our mother just as I loved her). Ako lang kasi ang nakita nilang tumutok at nag-alay ng buong buhay ko with all the sacrifices I’ve done, working abroad all these years just to give her a comfortable life. That’s why they were expecting me to cry a bucket after losing her.

But to their surprise, walang breakdown na nangyari. Even I was surprised with myself dahil hindi ako naiiyak. Ramdam ko ang sakit na nasa puso ko but I’m not crying. Hindi pa siguro this time, sabi ko sa sarili ko.

After consoling my eldest sister who broke to tears nang salubungin ako sa gate ng bahay namin, I went straight to Nanay’s casket. And stared blankly at the face na ngayon ko lang nakitang naka-make-up. Maganda pa rin ang Nanay ko even at her death. Mabuti na lang I told my sister to go for the most expensive casket available. Anything less would have done her injustice.

When I joined the afternoon prayer, doon medyo nag-umpisa akong umiyak. Lalo na noong nasa parte ng isang cantata that talks about saying goodbye. Paalam said the hoarse voices of the old ladies leading the prayer. The pain started creeping into the valves of my emotion. And I started to weep silently.

It was at the church, after the mass, noong magsalita ako in front of my family and everyone who attended the service, na hindi ko na napigilang umiyak. I had to pause for a minute or two bago ko maituloy ang acknowledgement sa mga nakiramay at tumulong. But I had to be strong for everyone. I know that my grief is being shared by everyone at hindi ko na kailangang mag-umpisa ng hysteria. A deep, silent prayer is what my mother needs. Not the drama.

Natapos ang libing ng maayos. Walang hinimatay. Walang maeskandalong iyakan. We’ve accepted what God has given us. At lahat kaming magkakapatid, we’re all in agreement na maayos na ang kalagayan ni Nanay. That all the pain and suffering she’s gone through has finally ended.

After the funeral, nagkukwentuhan kaming magkakapatid. Puyat, pagod at namumugto ang mata, nakita namin ang isang bagay na nagpagaan, kahit kaunti, ng aming lungkot. Doon namin napag-usapan at na-realize ang dami ng taong nakiramay. The 6-day wake saw an outpouring of support from everyone. Mga kapitbahay, kaibigan, kakilala at lalong-lalo na sa mga kamag-anak. Everyone showed how they feel for our loss.

And the most comforting part of it, ay ang haba ng prosesyon na nakipag-libing sa mahal naming Ina. We must have stopped a whole lot of traffic dahil sa haba ng cortege. Something that is so unusual for an ordinary, virtually unknown person like Nanay.

At doon namin na-realize na hindi pala ordinary at unknown si Nanay. She was one strong, well-loved matriarch who wielded so much power in her own ways. Nirespeto at minahal ng mga taong nakakilala sa kanya. Ginalang at binigyan ng importansya ng mga taong nagkaroon ng opportunity na makasama sya sa mundong ito.

And that gave us great comfort in this rather sad part of our family history. At na-realize namin, it’s not all about the tears. It’s not about the crying and the hysteria. It’s about the legacy that one leaves behind. At dahil doon, naniniwala kami na nakangiti si Nanay sa amin saan man sya naroroon.

With that, I truly believe that she is indeed, resting in peace.