of hope and faith

I have a friend/officemate who is going through a hard time right now. Actually, mahigit two years na ngayon that his wife is battling the big C. At alam naman natin na ito ang isa sa pinaka-mahirap na situation one can possibly go through.

Kahit sino sa ating family member, be it wife, son, daughter, parents or siblings na magkaroon ng sakit, malaki ang epekto sa atin. Lalo na kung sobrang close tayo sa family member na ito and we love them dearly.

We share their pain. Dahil nakikita natin sila suffering from their disease, meron din tayong pain na nararamdaman sa ating puso. And that second-hand pain ang pinakamahirap gamutin dahil walang gamot para doon. The only thing that will take it away ay ang makita nating gumaling ang ating loved one.

When my father was sick, na-prove ko na totoo pala yong mga dramang napapanood ko. That you would rather trade places, you will pray na sa iyo na lang ipasa ang sakit, ikaw na lang ang mag-suffer, wag lang sila. Honestly, I was surprised na kaya kong gawin yon. Sa sobrang pagiging selfish ko noon, I never thought I could say it. Pero nasabi ko, na-pray ko with all honesty. Makakalimutan mo pala ang pagiging self-centered mo pag ganoon.

It doesn’t only take so much emotion on your part. It takes other things too. Like time. Dahil hindi mo sila pwedeng pabayaan, you would rather be with them, sa tabi ng sickbed nila and serve them and let them know that you are there for them. Kaya noon, nagbabakasyon ako pero hindi sa pagpapahinga at pagre-relax ko ginagamit ang oras ko. I’d always be with my dad, bring him to any hospital or clinic na may mabalitaan akong magaling na doctor.

And now that my mom is confined on a wheelchair after suffering from a bad fall, hindi na rin ako masyadong naglalakwatsa pag nagbabakasyon ako. Kung hindi rin lang importante, hindi na ako umaalis ng bahay, I’d rather stay with her para makabawi kami ng oras ng bonding.

It takes so much patience too. Dahil pag may sakit, nandiyan yong nagiging sensitive sila, maramdamin, matampuhin, mapaghanap. You have to be your best whenever you’re with them. Kung 100% ang patience mo, make it double. At kahit anong marinig mo o makita mo, you have to let them know na mahal mo sila. Kahit nagmamatigas at ayaw uminom ng gamot or tinatabig ang food tray. Wala kang magagawa kungdi unawain sila and be gentle with them para mai-paramdam mo that you love them, and you’ll be with them no matter what.

And of course it takes away so much resources. Pera. Mawawala lahat ang plano mo sa buhay pag may sakit na ang isa sa family member mo. Whatever savings na meron ka, ilalabas at ilalabas mo just to make sure na magagamot ang mahal mo sa buhay. Never mind that property that you wanted to buy. O yong kotseng matagal mo nang pangarap. All that takes second, third or even the last priority in your life pag nasa ganong sitwasyon ka na.

Afterall, kikitain mo pa ang pera. Marami pang darating na ganon sa yo. But you can never replace your family member, kahit saan ka mag-trabaho, kahit anong negosyo ang pagka-kitaan mo. Walang magpapa-sweldo sa iyo ng isang Nanay o Tatay. Hindi ka tutubo sa negosyo ng isang anak o asawa.

And of course, hindi maiiwasan that you will be consumed by frustration. Lalo na pag ang sakit ay nasa extended period na. May mga oras na gusto mo nang sumuko. May mga oras na ramdam mo, pagod na pagod ka na. Lalo na pag ang problema, dinagdagan pa ng kakulangan ng pera. Or may iba pang problema ang pamilya na ang pakiramdam mo, pinag-bagsakan ka na ng langit.

Kaya pala may mga taong nababaliw o kaya nakakagawa ng masama. Pag nasa ganon kang sitwasyon, you have nobody else but yourself to hang on to. Ilabas mo na yong pinakamatigas na parte ng puso mo. And do not let yourself be overpowered by the pain and frustration. Hang on to whatever support system other family members and friends can give you.

And most importantly, this is the time when you should dig deeper into your faith. Dahil sa mga ganitong sitwasyon, wala kang ibang magagawa kungdi magdasal with all your might and ask God to give you strength. Totoo yong sinasabi nilang lift it up to Him. Naniniwala ako doon. Coz when you’ve done it, kahit anong mangyari, the situation can turn better or worse but you’ll be able to take it. Dahil alam mong ginawa mo na lahat, including trusting your loved one to the Greater Power.