out into the freeway

After weeks of speculations, questions and premonitions (o ayan ariel ha hindi kita nakalimutan! hahaha) eto na, I’m letting the cat out of the bag.  Sabi ko nga noon, when the right time comes, all will be revealed.  And the reveal I’m talkin about is the admission of the fact that I’m hanging up my safety shoes, company ID and pin-striped uniform to rest.

Actually last week nag-preliminary talks na ako with my boss.  Sabi ko para no surprises pagbigay ko sa kanya ng papel.  Yon yong sinasabi kong first step sa aking one-liner in FB.  And the next step is this.  Binigay ko na yong aking notice of non-renewal of my contract.

Of course I still have to go through the usual process of interviews and other formalities.  But as it stands now, it’s bye-bye time next month.  Kaya yong mga usap-usapan at mga tanong  na dati’y hindi ko masagot ng diretso, here it is.  Yes, I’m calling it quits.

Pasensya na sa mga kaibigan na hindi ko masagot ng matino dati.  I just thought I had to do it officially before making any announcement.  Sa tagal ko na kasing sinasabing I’m gonna do it, baka hindi na kayo maniwala.  In fact, I dread telling you this and and see some eyes rolling at may kasama pang ‘here we go again’ hahahaha.

But this time, ayan na. Totoo na.  Black and white na.

Wala akong offer from any company.  Ni hindi nga ako nagsi-send ng application anywhere coz job hunting is not one of my priorities right now.  Basta gusto ko lang magpahinga.  Burned-out.  Tamad factor.  Sawa factor na rin. Afterall, 8 years is already an achievement para sa isang tulad kong maigsi ang pasensya at kakaunti ang pagtitiis sa dumadaloy sa katawan.

I’ve wanted to do this for the longest time.  Hindi lang matuloy dahil marami pa akong considerations.   Largely because of financial reasons kaya hindi ko magawa.  But even if I stare constantly at that bank balance, naisip ko, I’ll never be satisfied with whatever I’m seeing.  It will always never be enough.  Kaya sabi ko, why prolong the agony and whine about it all the time?

Doon ko rin na-realize that it’s not the money that’s stopping me to do this.  It’s my fear of stepping out of the security brought about by a constant, almost boring, existence.  Kahit siguro sino, after 8 years of doing the same thing every day, will find it hard to leave behind the life you’ve been so used to.  It’s like suddenly stepping out into LA’s freeway after so many years of taking it slow on a small town feeder road.

That’s why I finally made the call.  Being at the same situation for so long has turned me into something that I don’t really like.  Complacency is one word I don’t find appealing.  Kahit nga tubig na stagnant, pinamamahayan ng lamok na may dengue di ba.

So I’m challenging myself to explore new avenues in life.  Marami akong gustong gawin na hindi ko magawa dahil sa pagka-kampante ko sa aking buhay.  And if I don’t do it now, I’ll forever be wondering what it’s like to be doing those things.

One friend said I might be running back to Saudi in a couple of years.  Posible.  Hindi ko naman sinasabing ayaw ko na sa Saudi.  Ginawa ko na ito noon.  Left the kingdom, did other things back home, then came back 5 years later.  I’ll probably do it again.  Afterall, wala pa namang rule ang Saudi government na bawal nang bumalik ang mga umaalis, di ba.

But what’s important is that I gave myself the chance to do new things, see other places, meet other people and learn new things.  And believe me, I still cherish those 5 years as one of the best chapters of my life.

I’d like to do the same thing all over again.  Find something else outside of the four corners of an office.   But the most important thing for me right now is to grant my lazy bones the break they’ve been crying out for so long now.  Coz that’s probably the one thing that would replenish my already depleted motivation. 

Pag na-refresh na ako, then saka ko na iisipin kung ano ang uunahin ko – go bungee jumping at the Millau Viaduct,  experience life in the vineyards of Naples or relax at the beaches of Maldives!   Weehh… di nga.  Seriously.  Sa panaginip nga lang! Hahaha.