AI 10's lucky 13... lucky not

The American Idol top 13 took to stage tonight (at least in Philippine tvs) singing songs from their personal favorites and I was yelling Yes, No, Pwede Na and Win from the kitchen while I was cooking some tortang talong for dinner. But I think I only said Yes and Win a few times. It was mostly Nos all throughout. In fact I didn’t bother pausing my tortang talong for a minute and 40 seconds. I can tell most of them were tearing their voices beyond repair, doing mostly yelling than singing, just to make sure they’re still in contention next week. I’d rather flip the torta than watch their faces grimace in pain trying to hit that octave that is only friendly to those who were born with it.

I’ll let Simon Cowell possess me for a while as I critique this bunch they call the Lucky 13. In order of appearance, here’s my Simon Cowellish painful but BS-free comments:

Lauren Aliana sang Any Man of Mine by Shania Twain: Shania must have broken an expensive vase she threw towards her 52-inch tv. Lucky it didn’t hit Lauren’s face coz really, it wasn’t her face that’ll break. Rating: No!

Casey Abrams sang With A Little Help From My Friend by Joe Cocker. Joe Cocker is a fave of mine, as well as the song. Casey didn’t give me the favorite song I knew but he brought a new twist to it. It’s a bit odd but refreshing. Rating: Pwede Na!

Ashton Jones sang When You Tell Me That You Love Me by Diana Ross. Well if this girl survived last week’s cut by getting a wildcard, she’ll definitely go this time. Her performance this week must have made those eliminated earlier go ‘what a waste of spot’. Rating: No!

Paul McDonald sang Come Pick Me Up by Bryan Adams. I know Bryan Adams but I didn’t know this song. And I’ll never bother looking it up if it sounded as bad as this guy sang it. Rating: No!

Pia Toscano sang All By Myself by Celine Dion. She didn’t have the big voice her idol has. And I guess she’ll have to stop talking for at least a month for stretching that vocals beyond it’s limits. Did she hit the note? Just about. At least she was brave enough to take on such a huge piece. Rating: Pwede Na!

James Durbin sang Maybe I’m Amazed by Paul MacCartney. I don’t really like this guy. He’s pretending to be a rocker but all he does is yell and scream like a cat run over by a truck. This week isn’t any different. Come on dude, there’s only one Adam Lambert. Rating: No.

Haley Reinhart sang Blue by Lee Ann Rimes. Well she’s only in her 20’s and trying to do a song that could easily be her granny’s fave, what would you expect? Randy said it was sleepy. I’d say the yodeling was like a wolf howling to the moon. Not just sleepy but creepy! Rating: No.

Jacob Lusk sang I Believe I Can Fly by R. Kelly. Well this over-acting blabber mouth of a wanna-be singer should be put to some checks. He doesn’t have the voice nor the technique to distort one of my favorite songs beyond recognition. Rating: A big NO!

Thia Megia sang Smile by Michael Jackson. Thia, Thia, Thia. Only because Randy said last week that you sounded like MJ didn’t mean you’d have to pick that song! It was sooooooo boring. And even you jazzed it up a bit on the second half, the song is still way too old for you. You’re 15 for goodness! Choose your songs wisely otherwise you’ll end up in the bottom and possibly eliminated. And it’ll be a waste coz you clearly have the best voice among all of them! Not only because you’re a kabayan. But your voice is really awesome. Rating: Pwede Na.

Stefano Langone sang Lately by Stevie Wonder. A karaoke-bar singer or a cruise-ship entertainer, your choice. But his performance tonight certainly doesn’t deserve a record deal. No records can be produced if the singer goes here and there with the song. Rating: No.

Karen Rodriguez sang I Could Fall In Love by Selena. The one thing going for this lady is her beauty. She has that glamorous and sexy yet sweet Latina look, perfectly wrapped in black gown she put up herself. But the singing is also amiss. Selena won’t be proud of her half-nervous, half-pitchy singing. Rating: No.

Scotty McCreery sang The River by Garth Brooks. He’s the male version of Thia in this competition. His voice is the one to beat among the guys. It’s clear, honest and crisp. And he doesn’t resort to on-stage antics or props to rev up his performance. All he does is sing. And win your hearts with his voice. Why? He chose the song perfect for his voice. And sang it flawlessly. Rating: Win.

Naima Adedapo sang Umbrella by Rihanna. I liked the reggae and rap touch plus the fierce dance moves. Entertaining. But the singing was again lacking. The kind of singing that nearly cut her off last week had she not been given a wildcard by the judges. Rating: Pwede Na.

So who’s gonna be crying next week for being voted out? And who's gonna be crying also while hugging those who were eliminated, even if they should be jumping for joy coz they survived, just for the sake of crying on global tv?

If I had the power, it’s already top 5 next week. All 8 with my NO can go, no regrets. It's gonna be the first time American Idol will not last the usual number of weeks it airs.  There can always be a first time right?

And since I dissed the contestants, let me do the same to the judges. Steven was unbelievably schmuck in his comments. He doesn’t have the guts to be honest, sometimes even bordering on patronizing. Where's the bad-ass rocker i thought you were, Stevie??? JLo is no different from Paula. She wants to be sugar and spice and everything nice even to a horrible performance. And Randy is the only one who wants to keep it real at times but the two just shoots him down. Definitely the lamest set of judges in all AI seasons. Buti na lang my tortang talong turned out to be delishiouss!