drama politica

just a few hours ago, the siege at the manila pen ended, thank goodness, rather peacefully.

i was glued to the tv set for a couple of hours as al-jazeera news channel gave blow by blow account of the event. good thing veronica pedrosa was at the anchor today from their kl base. at least she gave more credibility to the coverage as opposed to seing the report from some foreign anchors.

first thing i said to myself was 'oh this is good, forex will surely pick-up' thinking about the continually plummeting exchange rate between dollar vs peso that so unfairly lessens the power of my hard-earned green buck. what a pity huh. short of rejoicing from a serious political situation for personal gain.

but hey, i guess i'm not the only one who thought of that. i bet you did too. in fact some of us would've probably prayed for something like this to happen. not only to get better exchange rate but also to punish gloria for ignoring the plea of ofw's for help on this particular dilemma.

but then again, the drama ended too quickly and with less action than what we probably were hoping for. no casualties. just some yadda-yadda from trillanes and his group, fishing for sympathy and support from the filipino people, then surrendered peacefully when they realized that they cannot turn ayala avenue to another edsa 1, 2 or 3. otherwise it could really be something.

why didn't they generate the support they needed? trillanes was there, reprising his oakwood 2003 role once again but where are his supporters? where's the 11 million voters who put him in the senate despite being locked up in one of the military bases in manila? they should have rallied and trooped to the posh hotel, camped it out with him and made his demand for gloria to step down. better yet, fill the stretch of ayala and makati avenues, putting an end to the already overused legacy of the edsa revolution and creating a new one - ayala 1. at least that's original.

but as marga ortigas, jazeera's manila correspondent put it, this recent outing by trillanes may not sit well with his supporters. business sector was not so happy with what he did - interrupting the day's proceedings right in the middle of the financial district which means losing millions of dollars in thousands of business transactions within the cordoned perimeter. even the original rebel soldier gringo distanced himself from the situation and instead attended budget hearing which, according to him, is more important.

i called up my mom and she, as well as everybody back home who are watching the same event, were sympathetic to trillanes and were cursing gloria. but maybe they were just like the rest of the 11 million fans of trillanes who chose to stay on the sidelines and simply watch their hero risk his life one more time to bring gloria down. just watch him from tv and do nothing to participate.

my take on it is that filipino people are already on the verge of frustration, resigned to the fact that despite the many edsa revolutions, the country is still on a downward spiral. and they chose not to march to ayala because they've grown tired of taking their cause to the streets. of course there are sporadic rallies and protests here and there but these are minor movements. i'm talking about the real, massive action of edsa revolution proportions that must have already lost it's appeal.

i missed edsa 1 but i made sure i didn't miss it the second time around. i even dragged some of my friends to join the cause, convincing them that people power, an authentically pinoy phenomenon, will make our future better. and our lives will be better if we kick erap out and install gloria. boy was i wrong. maybe that is the reason why i seem to have lost my inclination for mass actions like this.

i hope my impression is not true. and i hope that i'm the only one having this detached, nonchalant attitude. or else, those abusive, corrupt and heartless people in power will have a field day for the rest of their lives.

but, alarmingly, it looks like most of the filipino people are already sharing what i feel. as marga said, our people loves tv or movie drama. a simple statement that i translated into something more serious - we are a nation fixated to the formulaic drama of the entertainment industry, and that fixation has removed us from the harsh realities of the current social, economic and political situation.

and yes, according to her, what trillanes did was exactly just that - drama.

no. 5: just as mushy

You would probably see me as a strong character. In fact, marami ang nagsasabi na mukhang matapang ako, unapproachable, etc., etc... lalo na't hindi mo ako masyadong kilala (or does knowing me make any difference? ewan hehehe). Hindi kasi ako mahilig sa ka-dramahan sa buhay. I’m overly practical, a bit cold-hearted and it takes a lot to make me cry. But believe it or not, there are a few things that could melt my heart in an instant.

One of them is seeing a stray cat. Dogs too. But I feel more strongly for cats. May istorya kasi sa likod non.

Siguro mga 7 years old pa lang ako when my father brought home a stray kitten. A cute, furry, white ball with black spots at ang buntot eh nakabaluktot in three sections. Tuwang-tuwa ako to have him. Only child ako so ang magkaroon ako ng kasama at kalaro, even in the form of a kitten, eh big deal para sa akin. I named him Turnino (I really don’t know where I got that awful name).

I took good care of him. Kung ano ang pagkain ko, yon din ang kinakain nya. In fact, madalas akong napapagalitan coz i spoiled him a lot. Naging very choosy sya sa pagkain. At hindi mo mapapatapak sa lupa or putik. Maglalaro man sya sa labas pero sandali lang, babalik agad sa bahay. And never messed himself up tulad ng ibang nakikipag-away at uuwing putikan, duguan or nanglilimahid. Kung sa tao, he's always neat and clean.

Dahil para ko syang stuffed toy, tinatabi ko sya pagtulog. Hanggang nasanay na sya at hindi na umalis sa tabi ko. Then my parents warned me that I could get asthma if I go on like that (thank God I didn’t).

So I tried to kick him out of my room. Nila-lock ko pa ang bedroom door ko, and tucked the kulambo (mosquito net) edges under some heavy pillows para hindi sya makapasok. Pero magigising pa rin ako sa umaga na nasa tabi ko sya, all warm and purring from a deep, comfortable sleep.

After High School, I left home to study in the city, leaving Turnino behind with my parents. Pero ang parents ko, ayaw pumayag na matagal akong hindi makikita so they had to relocate from Mindoro to Batangas, mas malapit sa Manila at mas madalas akong makakauwi.

Trouble is, they left Turnino behind.

Studies, and, later on work, took 100% of my time and attention. It was years later when I realized I was missing something. Then I started wondering what happened to my Turnino.

Sabi ng isang pinsan ko, he became a stray cat after my parents left. And that made me so guilty. Naisip ko, after living a comfortable life, siguro nag-suffer sya while trying to survive in the streets, scavenging for food, fighting it out with meaner cats or dogs, getting soaked in the rain and just wandered aimlessly. Siguro nagkasakit sya at basta na lang namatay sa isang madilim na sulok. O kaya nasagasaan ng truck. Tuwing naiisip ko yon, i feel so bad.

Until this day, isa sya sa biggest guilt na dala-dala ko. Sure he’s just a cat. But he was a part of my childhood. We practically grew up together. And I loved him like a brother that I never had.

The fact na hindi ko na malalaman kung anong nangyari sa kanya is unbearable. It always makes me sad. And I think I’ll never forgive myself for making him suffer whatever he’s gone through.

33 days... and being senti

It’s been a month and 2 days since I came up with this blog and I’m very happy that in just 33 days, I’ve got 600++ hits. Ewan ko sa ibang blogs – siguro thousands ang hits nila every month but for a newbie like me, I feel so elated dahil ibig sabihin maraming bumibisita sa bahay ko!

O sige, sabihin natin half of the 600 would probably come from my countless log-ins – either to upload new postings or simply to check kung may nagco-comment (hmmm, parang eksads kung 300 yon noh). But hey, 300 hits is still something I’m very thankful for. Kasi ibig sabihin non, friends like you spend time browsing/reading through my messages.

And even if the footprints left are very few judging from the low volume of comments, at least I know many pairs of eyes have read what I’ve written and quite a few minds are churning away, contemplating on what I wrote.

And so, because I’m a newbie, pagpasensyahan nyo na ako if I’d go senti and say I’m celebrating this blog’s first monthsary by acknowledging people who frequents this place. Salamat sa mga matiyagang bumibisita dito.

First, to Raoul who’s my blog patrol, sinisita ako pag wala akong bagong posting. At may suggestions pa ng magagandang topics. At yong sinabi mong reason why you always frequent this blog, touched talaga ako. Hindi ko na sasabihin dito. But believe me, it made me realize na inumpisahan ko na rin lang ito, I’d rather continue building it up and become a better journal for people like you who takes something out of it. Thanks Raoul.

Thanks also to Jun C who’s always curious about my top-tens and hopefully the alternative rock stuff is a good influence… in addition to your Kamikaze, Megadeth and Kiss! Hehehe!. At si Matt na kahit alam kong maraming ka-c2c na girls eh may isang window open just to browse through kung may ginamit na naman akong mga pic nya LoL.

To Jonas na aking tanungan ng mga cool sites simply because I don’t have the time and the initiative to go find it myself :D Thanks dear.

Si “A Movie Fan” na kahit anonymous pa rin up until now is someone I always anticipate postings from coz of his nice comments. Sa true lang, I’m puzzled kung sino ka and I hope one day you’ll leave a clue somewhere para alam ko naman who’s at the other end of the conversation. Nevertheless, thanks for always dropping by.

At yong mga hindi ko ma-mention ang names simply because they just vist and never post, maraming salamat pa rin. Sana you’ll let me hear your thoughts too one of these days.

At syempre, hindi ko makakalimutan ang friend ko from Jeddah na si Cesar. Itong isang to, tatawag pa sa akin just to let me know that he’s online and visiting my ‘flower shop’. Tuwang-tuwa kasi sya sa banner ko na multi-colored flowers. Eh di ba sabi ko naman, me and my rainbow of thoughts. Kaya nga sari-saring topic ang napo-post ko eh, parang halo-halo! Ayan, nagka-idea tuloy ako… palitan ko kaya ng halo-halo yong pic…. Hehehe!

Thanks again to everyone and I really hope you’ll keep coming back.

(a whole lot) more on BMW part 2

Okey. So hindi mo masabi directly ang inis o galit mo sa taong kinaiinisan mo sa trabaho. At ang gagawin mo, totoma ka with your barkadas at doon mo iku-kwento ang office mate mo na kinagagalitan mo. Maglilimatik ang mga mura mo habang naka-tunganga sa yo ang mga tropa mo na walang kaalam-alam sa pinagbubusa mo.

Or, magkukwento ka sa family members mo while having dinner. Yon ang gagawin mong topic ng dapat sana eh bonding moment ninyo ng pamilya mo. May matching cussing pa na nakakasira ng appetite ng mga kaharap mo.

Parehong mali. Parehong unfair.

Remember this: never ever bring the bitching, moaning and whining home with you. Leave it parked somewhere in your office. Basta wag mong dadalhin sa bahay or outside your work for that matter.

I know hindi ito madaling gawin. But if you cannot take away the thought na hindi maganda ang naging araw mo sa trabaho, then just try to separate the anger from the thought. Hindi mo man makalimutan, at least alisin mo yong anger factor. Iwan mo yong init ng ulo.

You had a bad day at work. That’s it. Just a plain statement. Minus the fuming and the incessant ranting na baka marinig pa ng mga anak mo. Hindi maganda yon. Wag na wag mong ibunton ang init ng ulo mo sa mga kaibigan or kapamilya. That’s totally unfair. That’s your own battle so you just have to fight it yourself. Wag mo nang idamay ang iba.

Afterall, hindi mo ba naisip na sila mismo, they have their own officemates, co-workers, classmates, acquaintances or boss na kampon din ng kadiliman para sa kanila? They have their own battles too. So don't you ever think na akala mo ikaw lang ang sumambot ng lahat ng sama ng loob sa trabaho.

Besides, ni hindi nga nila kilala yong taong kinagagalitan mo eh. Ni hindi nila alam ang sitwasyon sa office mo so mahihirapan silang maka-relate. You’ll put them in a situation na hindi nila alam ang pwede nilang gawin o sabihin. And you can’t expect them to say something objective pag ganon. The only thing they can give you is their sympathy.

Which means, ano, nagpapa-awa ka? And would you believe them pag sinabi nilang ‘oo nga, tama ka, you did the right thing’ kahit alam na alam mong hindi nila alam ang detalye ng pinagbububusa mo. And what do you get out of it? A false sense of encouragement?

Over the years that I’ve worked, at sa dami na ng dinanas kong bmw, I’ve learned later on to separate my office life from my life outside of work. Paglabas ko ng trabaho, I shift from the ‘office me’ to the ‘real me’. Kapag nag-lock na ako ng aking office, I leave everything locked up as well. Kung hindi pa tapos ang bmw, then I’ll just deal with it the next day. Sometimes nandon pa rin sya pagbalik ko kinabukasan. But most of the time, kusa na syang nawawala.

So why torture yourself for the rest of the day kung pwede mo namang lagyan ng to be continued ang istorya.

Isa pa, ang katwiran ko, hindi na sakop ng timesheet ko ang oras ko pag alis ko ng office. And I have a life outside work. something more exciting, colorful and wonderful kesa sa mga officemates or amo kong hindi ko dapat problemahin.

Kahit nagbabakasyon ako sa Pinas, I don’t waste my time telling my friends or family kung anoman ang mga bmw ko dito. Siguro hindi rin maganda ang effect coz they look at me na parang kumakamada lang ako ng pera ng walang kahirap-hirap. They don’t realize na marami ring problema dito sa buhay at trabaho ko dito.

But my point is, I’d rather spend quality time with them instead na sayangin ko ang oras sa pag-e-emote ng mga bagay na hindi naman nila maiintindihan or sa mga taong ni hindi nila kilala.

Ngayon, re-cap lang tayo ng mga pinag-sasabi ko na:

1. Hindi mo ma-confront ang taong kinaiinisan/kinagagalitan mo. And it adds frustration to your already boiling temper.

2. Unfair na gawin mong tagasalo ng galit mo ang friends mo or family sa mga bagay na dapat iniiwan mo na lang sa iyong workplace.

You might ask me… eh ano naman ang ini-expect mong gawin ko? Keep it to myself na lang?

Hindi naman siguro. There are ways to deal with it.

Pero next posting ko na lang yon kasi mahaba na naman ito. So just hang on!

my top ten comedy/musical films

As I said before, marami pa akong favorite films and here's my top ten pagdating naman sa comedy and musicals. See if you can recognize all of them.

A Chorus Line. Released in 1976. Directed by Richard Attenborough. Starring Michael Douglas. With unforgettable songs like At the Ballet, Sing, Nothing and the more popular What I Did for Love, it ranks as my number one favorite musical of all time.

The Sound of Music. Released in 1965. Directed by Robert Wise. Starring Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer. Ok, so this is pre-historic. But who can argue with the power of this classic. In fact, we wouldn't have learned our musical notes that easy if not for this movie. I watched it just recently in cable and I was awed. A timeless masterpiece.

Falling In Love. Released in 1984. Directed by Ulu Grosbard. Starring Robert deNiro and Meryl Streep - two of my top faves in the acting department in a romantic comedy about middle-aged lovers.

Big Business. Released in 1988. Directed by Jim Abrahams. Starring Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin. Two comic divas in a story of two sets of twins switched and separated at birth, one set ending up rich and the other poor. Imagine the riot when they meet later on.

Moulin Rouge. Rleased in 2001. Directed by Baz Luhrmann. Starring Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor. According to my research, this is the third version of the film – with two previous versions, one in the 30’s and the other in the 50’s. Very smart use of contemporary songs on an old but still interesting material.

Death Becomes Her. Released in 1992. Directed by Robert Zemeckis. Starring Meryl Streep, Goldie Hawn and Bruce Willis. A top-notch cast in a comedy-horror film that looks deep into our fear of getting old and dying. It won Best Visual Effects in 1992 from Oscars.

Flashdance. Released in 1983. Directed by Adrian Lyne. Starring Jennifer Beals and Michael Nouri. The 1,000-watt smile of Jennifer, some mean dancing and an OST that remains as one of my favorites. Flashdance… What A Feeling still makes me wanna dance whenever I hear it today.

Evita. Released in 1996. Directed by Alan Parker. Starring Madonna, Antonio Banderas and Jonathan Pryce. I was not a Madonna fan until she did this film. Then she turned me into a believer. Awesome songs like High Flying Adored, You Must Love Me, She Is A Diamond and Another Suitcase in the Hall made me buy the complete OST album.

The Full Monty. Released in 1997. Directed by Peter Cattaneo. Starring a host of British actors. The film that showed me that Brits, aferall, has got humor. A story of 6 ordinary, unglamorous steel workers who formed a group and did a striptease act! Hilarious!

The Devil Wears Prada. Released in 2006. Directed by David Frankel. Starring Meryl Streep and Anne Hathaway. In case you haven’t noticed, this is the third Meryl Streep movie in my top faves on comedy/musical category. Which means I love her on offbeat roles as much as I love her on serious ones. Hell, I love this wonderful actress in whatever she does .

If you haven't watched these wonderful films, I suggest you try them. Really entertaining. (Naku dapat bayaran ako ng mga producers nito huh!)

(a whole lot) more on BMW part 1

nabanggit ko na sa previous posting ko (cappuccino at multo) ang tungkol sa bmw. eto ang ginagawa namin noon ng mga officemates ko sa makati. and i’m sure many of us still do it. we bitch, moan and whine on anything and almost everything that comes our way – lalo na sa trabaho.

so i thought maganda siguro i-expound yong topic that’s why i started writing about it. but before i knew it, nakaka-four pages na pala ako ng nasusulat, hindi pa ako makapag-conclude. then i realized how big the topic is. kaya instead na isang mahabang article, i divided it into sections. sana pagtiyagaan ninyong basahin and tell me if i missed out on anything.

saan ba nanggagaling ang bmw? sa germany dapat dahil doon ang gawaan ng bmw cars. lol! but seriously, nagkakaroon ka ng mga complain, himutok, sama ng loob at kung ano ano pa because of people or situations sa trabaho mo. either because of a co-worker who’s a jerk, o isang amo na boss from hell, o kaya ay isang client who’s an ass, lagi kang naa-upset, naha-high blood at nagpuputok ang butse.

kung ang conflict ay na-resolve immediately o yong tipong nagsagutan kayo ng boss mo or ng officemate mo and then natapos agad, walang problema. kasi nailabas mo agad yong nasa loob mo, may resolution yong sitwasyon and all you have to do is to move on (unless na ikaw yong tipong pinapahaba ang dapat eh tapos na).

but what if you are stuck in a situation na parang wala kang magawa. may inis/galit ka sa isang tao pero hindi mo magawan ng solusyon. a boss who treats you badly. o isang officemate na inaangasan ka. and many other things that bothers you pero hindi mo magawan ng solusyon.

all you can do is go fuming, ranting and spewing tirades na hindi mo masabi ng diretso sa mga taong kinakainisan/kinamumuhian mo. dakdak ka ng dakdak tungkol sa sitwasyon or tungkol sa kaaway mo but you’re just barking at yourself.

bakit? kasi naiinis ka sa ginagawa ng office mate mo pero di mo masabi sa kanya kaya idadakdak mo na lang siya sa best friend mo. or bwisit na bwisit ka sa amo pero ang lahat ng p***ng ina or f**k na dapat ibato mo sa kanya eh sa mga barkada mo ibinabalibag. bakit?

dahil hindi mo masabi ng diretso doon sa taong kinagagalitan mo. bakit?

dahil kung below sya or ka-level mo lang in the corporate heirarchy, umiiwas ka sa isang confrontation that could lead to something embarrassing. tulad ng magsagutan kayo sa office. worse, mag-umbagan kayo. baka ma-personnel pa kayo. and you don’t want the embarrassment it may bring. kaya hindi ka na lang umiimik kahit nagpuputok na ang butse mo. and you still smile or say something nice while bordering on being the ultimate representative of tupperware. plastic!

o kung amo mo naman sya, of course, hindi mo sya ku-kumprontahin and say it to his/her face na f**k u boss, hindi na tama ang pinagagawa mo sa akin! unless na mas malaki ang galit mo kesa sa takot mong mawalan ng trabaho at magutom, hindi mo gagawin yon. unless na ready ka na to pack your bags and go, hinding-hindi mo gagawin na kumprontahin ang pumipirma ng payslip mo. kaya, again, tatahimik ka na lang kahit 200 over 200 na ang bp mo.

so what’s my point? yon nga, ang inis o galit mo, nadadagdagan pa ng ibang bagay - frustration. dahil hindi mo makumpronta ang taong kinagagalitan mo or the situation itself. and that exacerbates the whole situation. hindi mo maibato ng diretso ang anger mo doon sa tao and you have to find other targets para lang mailabas ang inis/galit mo. and that’s what makes it more frustrating.

you vent your anger on other things. sayang naman kung yong workstation ang hahambalusin mo, baka masira. or sayang naman ang flower vase na décor sa mesa mo kung ibabato mo lang sa dingding. besides, mahirap i-explain sa boss mo kung bakit sabay nabasag ang vase at ang plake na nakasabit sa dingding di ba.

so you would pick up the phone at tatawag ka sa isang friend. or mag-e-email ka na ang font eh 48, bold and blazing red! if not, pag-uwi mo ng bahay, tatakbo ka sa isang family member at magsusumbong ka na parang isang batang naumbag sa school na hindi makalaban.

but is it the right thing to do? not really. and that, i will deal on my next posting!

what's currently on my player

hindi ko masabing 'what's on my ipod' kasi wala naman akong ipod kaya sabi ko na lang what's on my player. but i just wanna share 5 beautiful songs that i downloaded yesterday - thanks to my ever-reliable and good friend jonas na nag-introduce sa akin sa esnips na dati na palang alam ni matt pero hindi naman sini-share sa akin hmmmppp (hehehe... joke lang pow!).

so what's currently playing - over and over and over - on my wmp?

1. chasing cars by snow patrol - eto yong song na ginamit ng one tv in their plug of grey's anatomy (though i'm not aware if this is really the theme song of that program). gandang-ganda ako sa melody nya. parang tunog love's divine ni seal which is another top fave ko.

2. white flag by dido - matagal ko na itong hinahanap coz i'm a dido fan.

3. listen by beyonce - ok, i'm not a beyonce fan but i like the song. it could have been better if someone with a more powerful voice like katherine macphee sang it. (papatayin na talaga ako ng beyonce fans nito... lol!)

4. only the lonely by the motels. in case na hindi nyo kilala, the motels was one of the better new wave bands noong 80's with martha davis as lead vocals. ang ganda pa ng nakuha ko kasi accoustic version! cool!

5. do they know it's christmas by band aid. eto ang sagot ng UK artists sa USAid for Africa noon who did the very famous we are the world. do they know it's christmas was the chart-topping recording by the group called band-aid, a group created by bob geldoff (boomtown rats) with mega-star performers like phil collins, bono of U2, Tony Hadley of Spandau Ballet, Boy George, Simon LeBon of Duran Duran, David Bowie and many more (80's na 80's di ba!)

anybody who wants to try these cool sounds, punta na lang kayo ng esnips!hehehe!

my top ten best films (2 of 2)

So to round up my ten best films, here's the last five of the list:

Not Without My Daughter. I believe this film met some trouble due to the storyline that tackles a very sensitive racial and cultural subject. Thus preventing it from being shown to a wider audience. I was lucky to have seen it even on a VHS (oh yeah, it was quite some time ago). Sally Fields starred in this 1991 film by Brian Gilbert as Betty Mahmoody who wrote the book of the same title based on her real-life experience. I wouldn’t delve into the story line but rather suggest that you find the film and watch it. Very, very interesting.

The Passion of The Christ. Mel Gibson, in this 2003 masterpiece, proved that he can still go one notch higher than the commercially successful and critically acclaimed Braveheart. Although Hollywood didn’t give it the thumbs-up like it did to Braveheart (which I see as playing safe, distancing itself from the movie which gathered a lot of criticism and controversy) no one can deny that this is one powerful, highly crafted film. I didn’t find it offensive. In fact it made me dig deep into my own faith and conviction and find what my heart truly believes.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. This Ang Lee 2000 film, no matter how corny the concept of flying martial arts warriors are, still ranks as one of my best films ever. I still can’t get over the fight scenes, the beautiful cinematography, the touching love story and the wonderful characterizations breathed into life by Chow Yun-Fat, Zhang Ziyi and Michell Yeoh. It won Oscar’s Best Foreign Film that year. I think one of the reasons why it won is that it presented an authentically Chinese culture that has never been seen before in the western world. How I wish we can do something so authentically Pinoy also and win over movie goers around the globe like what this beautiful film did.

Ben Hur. Ok, I can’t go as far back as 1939 for Gone with the Wind but at least Ben Hur is still Jurassic-era. I watched this 1959 mega-epic starring Charlton Heston in VCD with total viewing time of 3 hours and 43 minutes! Directed by William Wyler who must be the Spielberg of his time (he won Oscar Best Director 3 times – Mrs Miniver in 1942, The Best Days of Our Lives in 1946 and for this one), Ben Hur won Oscar Best Picture and a host of other awards – 11 in total – only equaled in 1997 by the soapy Titanic (ooopppss, sorry Titanic fans!) and The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King in 2003. It tells the story of Juddah Ben-Hur of Jerusalem in the First AD. What captured me is the grandness of this movie. Thousands and thousands of extra cast, elaborate sets and bloody battles that was successfully choreographed, directed and filmed without the help of CGI which was invented some thirty years later. No wonder it gobbled up a budget of $75 million! A huge fortune that can probably buy a small country that time!

I Am Sam – A 2001 film by Jessie Nelson that tells the story of an autistic father fighting for his right to keep his daughter. It was one utterly moving film where Sean Penn’s portrayal of Sam was faultless from start to finish I think he was robbed the Best Actor trophy in the Academy Awards that year. His superb acting was complemented by Dakota Fanning’s heartfelt portrayal of the little daughter. Together, these two great actors made the movie quite unforgettable.

There you go.

So these are the top ten of my favorite, best movies. However, there are quite a few more that came up while I was doing this list. And since I cannot fit them all in here, I will just come up with a different category. Just watch out and it'll be posted here soon.

no. 4: sing, sing, sing

some people think that i can carry a tune (hindi ko sinabing magaling akong kumanta ha). at least hindi naman siguro ako mababato ng kamatis pag humawak ng microphone.

but the truth is, super late na bago ako natutong kumanta. dati noon, sintunado ako at parang ngiyaw lang ng pusa kung kumakanta ako sa banyo, kung kanta mang matatawag yon.

then nauso ang multiplex (ahemm… ano’ng year ba yon!) and most of my friends, kamag-anak at mga kakilala started singing. nag-aagawan pa ng microphone sa karaoke! eh hindi nga ako marunong kumanta kaya tatahimik na lang ako sa isang sulok.

parang na-challenge siguro ako so i said to myself na kailangan matuto rin akong kumanta. afterall mahilig ako sa music. ang dami kong alam na songs. yon nga lang, alam ko lang yong song pero hindi ko kayang kantahin.

i love basil valdez and i thought mas magandang mga songs nya ang umpisahan kong pag-aralan. oh yeah, basil valdez talaga! lakas ng loob di ba. from the very popular kastilyong buhangin to my personal favorites kung ako’y iiwan mo, iduyan mo and paraisong parisukat. lahat yon minasaker ko while i was trying to to learn how to sing properly. the nerve di ba!

siguro early 30’s na ako noon (mabibisto ang age! hahaha) and you can just imagine how difficult it is para mag-vocal stretching sa ganong edad. do-it-yourself pa dahil hindi naman ako nagpa-turo kahit kanino, nahihiya ako so i had to do it by myself sa kwarto ko na walang ibang nakakakita at nakakarinig.

basta susundan ko lang ng susundan yong mga tono ni basil. nag-umpisa akong walang mic. then nong kabisado ko na ang tono, sinabayan ko na. swerte ko dahil hindi naman ako nakaranas makatok ng kapitbahay!

naawa naman siguro sa akin ang bathala ng kalinangang musika kaya pinayagan akong maabot ang mga matataas na nota ng songs ni basil. sa tuwa ko nga non, nag-record pa ako ng songs at pinadala ko sa amin para marining ng mom ko, mga tita at kapatid na nakaka-kanta na ako! (hmmm… come to think of it, hindi ko nakita yong tape na yon ng magbakasyon ako! baka itinago – collector’s item! bwahahahaha!!)

since then nakaka-kanta na ako sa mga videoke bars kahit maraming tao at may scores pa na lumalabas after the song. and so far, hindi pa naman ako nababato ng bote ng beer. in fact, minsan sa san pablo, na-request akong ulitin yong wildflower (originally by skylark later on popularized by martin nievera). yong mag-asawa palang owners ng bar ang nag-request, theme song daw nila yon.

and since then, hindi na limited to basil songs ang mina-masaker ko. may aerosmith pa, bon jovi, u2, barry manilow and lately eh josh groban.

did i learn how to sing? siguro. but more than that, may natutunan pa akong isang mas importanteng bagay – and that is, kapalan lang ng mukha yan! hahahaha!!!

cappuccino at multo

last wednesday nag-rent ng car si ren and matt in preparation sa lakad nila nong thursday. nakisabit kami ni raoul sa test drive and went to fanateer with no particular purpose kaya sinamantala ko naman na mamili sa sacco dahil nga malapit na ang bakasyon ko.

nag-dinner kami sa yacht restaurant na dati ay ranked 2 sa favorite dining places ko sa jubail. ngayon mukhang babagsak sya sa aking rating dahil na-disappoint ako sa asparagus soup nila plus the fact na matagal dumating ang order namin, at hindi maayos ang pagi-explain ng waiter na kabayan pa mandin.

eniweys, we finished early sa dinner at sa sacco kaya si ren nag-yayang mag-coffee. eh wala namang starbucks sa fanateer kaya dinala ko sila sa isang coffee shop na one year ago ko pa yata na-discover. sa faiha district na pare-parehong hindi namin alam puntahan pero dahil sa tiyaga ni ren mag-drive at pagko-co-pilot ni matt, nakita din namin. (ngayon ko lang naalala, nagpaka-layo-layo pa tayo eh may cinabonn nga pala right in front of fanateer mall!)

we hanged out sa coffee shop for more than an hour, with our cappuccinos and muffins talking about things from house decorating to our parents, mga planong negosyo hanggang mauwi sa multo at mga halloween stories ang chikahan. kaya siguro nag-aya agad si raoul umuwi kasi baka lumala pa ang kwentuhan eh wala pa naman syang kasama sa bahay pag weekend.

sana madalas mangyari ang ganitong kwentuhan. kahit kasi nagdi-dinner ang mga adik (birthday ni ega, nag-aya si ega, trip lang ni ega… bakit puro si ega!? hehehee), normally pagtapos kumain, layasan na. but that particular night sa coffee shop, iba ang kwentuhan. parang nasa bahay lang kami and freely engaging on conversation na kahit sabihin mong mundane eh napakalaki ng nagagawa to relieve you from stress of the week’s work.

nong nag-trabaho ako sa makati, ganito rin ang ginagawa namin ng mga friends/officemates ko. from our antel office (and even nong lumipat na kami sa citibank towers), hindi pa kami uuwi at didiretso kami sa pinakamalapit na starbucks.

doon na kami magku-kwentuhan, lalo na ng mga problema sa work. in fact we called ourselves the bmw group – bitching, moaning and whining – dahil ito ang naging venue namin na ilabas ang mga daing, sama ng loob at kung ano-ano pa tungkol sa work.

first part lang naman yon actually. pag tapos na ang bmw, ibang chikahan na. tawanan na at halakhakan. saka kami uuwi na magaan na ang pakiramdam. wala na ang stress kaya normal na ang mga temperature at takbo ng kukote.

malaki ang nagagawa nito to keep you sane from the crazy things going on in your work. para pag-uwi mo ng bahay, wala na yong baggage mo sa office so that pwede ka nang mag-focus sa dadatnan mo. and be a better mom/dad or anak/kapatid sa mga dadatnan mo sa bahay. hindi yong sinalubong ka ng anak mo pero hindi mo man lang pinansin coz you’re still fuming about your boss.

talk is therapy. so we should do it more often. wag lang sa bus na dinig ng buong mundo kung ano ang mga reklamo mo. or else magiging nega ang dating mo at mahahanay ka kay melanie marquez, james taylor and company! hehehehe!

a different beat

i guess you'd see me as someone conventional, a bit old-fashioned and almost a bore. and i guess you're expecting me to post my top ten songs that will include barbra streissand or barry manilow. we'll, i'll sure do that. but maybe later.

you see, my taste in music is unbelievably wide - from folk music of don mclean and james taylor to the rock hits of rod stewart and u2. from music of divas like barbra, celine, bette midler and carly simon to the more contemporary dido, fergie, jewel and christina. from louis armstrong, lionel richie and barry white to james blunt, eminem and john meyer. from yanni, enya, gregorians, kenny g to greenday, the calling, nickelback and the verve.

when it comes to music, i can be a jukebox. so don't be surprised if we are in a car, on a long trip, and i sing along with anything that comes up on the radio!

so let me share some of my favorite alternative rock. i've got quite a few of them - i think more than 50 favorites and it's quite difficult to come up with my top ten. anyways, here it goes, again in random:

1. with arms wide open by creed

2. black balloon by googoo dolls

3. let her cry by hootie and the blowfish

4. drive by incubus

5. iris by googoo dolls

6. drops of jupiter by train

7. how you remind me by nickelback

8. hanging by a moment by punklifehouse

9. if you're gone by matchbox 20

10. one last breath by creed

of hope and faith

I have a friend/officemate who is going through a hard time right now. Actually, mahigit two years na ngayon that his wife is battling the big C. At alam naman natin na ito ang isa sa pinaka-mahirap na situation one can possibly go through.

Kahit sino sa ating family member, be it wife, son, daughter, parents or siblings na magkaroon ng sakit, malaki ang epekto sa atin. Lalo na kung sobrang close tayo sa family member na ito and we love them dearly.

We share their pain. Dahil nakikita natin sila suffering from their disease, meron din tayong pain na nararamdaman sa ating puso. And that second-hand pain ang pinakamahirap gamutin dahil walang gamot para doon. The only thing that will take it away ay ang makita nating gumaling ang ating loved one.

When my father was sick, na-prove ko na totoo pala yong mga dramang napapanood ko. That you would rather trade places, you will pray na sa iyo na lang ipasa ang sakit, ikaw na lang ang mag-suffer, wag lang sila. Honestly, I was surprised na kaya kong gawin yon. Sa sobrang pagiging selfish ko noon, I never thought I could say it. Pero nasabi ko, na-pray ko with all honesty. Makakalimutan mo pala ang pagiging self-centered mo pag ganoon.

It doesn’t only take so much emotion on your part. It takes other things too. Like time. Dahil hindi mo sila pwedeng pabayaan, you would rather be with them, sa tabi ng sickbed nila and serve them and let them know that you are there for them. Kaya noon, nagbabakasyon ako pero hindi sa pagpapahinga at pagre-relax ko ginagamit ang oras ko. I’d always be with my dad, bring him to any hospital or clinic na may mabalitaan akong magaling na doctor.

And now that my mom is confined on a wheelchair after suffering from a bad fall, hindi na rin ako masyadong naglalakwatsa pag nagbabakasyon ako. Kung hindi rin lang importante, hindi na ako umaalis ng bahay, I’d rather stay with her para makabawi kami ng oras ng bonding.

It takes so much patience too. Dahil pag may sakit, nandiyan yong nagiging sensitive sila, maramdamin, matampuhin, mapaghanap. You have to be your best whenever you’re with them. Kung 100% ang patience mo, make it double. At kahit anong marinig mo o makita mo, you have to let them know na mahal mo sila. Kahit nagmamatigas at ayaw uminom ng gamot or tinatabig ang food tray. Wala kang magagawa kungdi unawain sila and be gentle with them para mai-paramdam mo that you love them, and you’ll be with them no matter what.

And of course it takes away so much resources. Pera. Mawawala lahat ang plano mo sa buhay pag may sakit na ang isa sa family member mo. Whatever savings na meron ka, ilalabas at ilalabas mo just to make sure na magagamot ang mahal mo sa buhay. Never mind that property that you wanted to buy. O yong kotseng matagal mo nang pangarap. All that takes second, third or even the last priority in your life pag nasa ganong sitwasyon ka na.

Afterall, kikitain mo pa ang pera. Marami pang darating na ganon sa yo. But you can never replace your family member, kahit saan ka mag-trabaho, kahit anong negosyo ang pagka-kitaan mo. Walang magpapa-sweldo sa iyo ng isang Nanay o Tatay. Hindi ka tutubo sa negosyo ng isang anak o asawa.

And of course, hindi maiiwasan that you will be consumed by frustration. Lalo na pag ang sakit ay nasa extended period na. May mga oras na gusto mo nang sumuko. May mga oras na ramdam mo, pagod na pagod ka na. Lalo na pag ang problema, dinagdagan pa ng kakulangan ng pera. Or may iba pang problema ang pamilya na ang pakiramdam mo, pinag-bagsakan ka na ng langit.

Kaya pala may mga taong nababaliw o kaya nakakagawa ng masama. Pag nasa ganon kang sitwasyon, you have nobody else but yourself to hang on to. Ilabas mo na yong pinakamatigas na parte ng puso mo. And do not let yourself be overpowered by the pain and frustration. Hang on to whatever support system other family members and friends can give you.

And most importantly, this is the time when you should dig deeper into your faith. Dahil sa mga ganitong sitwasyon, wala kang ibang magagawa kungdi magdasal with all your might and ask God to give you strength. Totoo yong sinasabi nilang lift it up to Him. Naniniwala ako doon. Coz when you’ve done it, kahit anong mangyari, the situation can turn better or worse but you’ll be able to take it. Dahil alam mong ginawa mo na lahat, including trusting your loved one to the Greater Power.

my top ten best films (1 of 2)

A lot of my favorite films include Oscar Best Picture winners. Although that wasn't necessarily my criteria in putting them in my favorites list. It also includes films that are, at least to me, remarkable and unforgettable. These are the films that I wouldn’t mind buying the expensive original dvd so I can watch them over and over, and later on store them in my archives.

Unfortunately, I haven’t watched the classics yet like Casablanca, Gone with the Wind and other earlier movie greats. Maybe if I see them this list will change. But as of now, here’s how it stands, in no particular order.

The Silence of the Lambs. This dark, psychological suspense thriller of a 1991 masterpiece by Jonathan Demme has, so far, the only movie that made me feel disturbed after watching it. For days, I was gloomy, inexplicably depressed and feeling creepy. And I can only blame it on the intensely effective acting of Sir Anthony Hopkins whose portrayal of Hannibal Lecter is a lot more frightening than Jason and Freddie Kruger combined. He rightfully deserves his Oscar Best Actor trophy that year. And so does the film in winning the Best Picture award.

The Piano. Jane Campion did a wonderful job in this masterpiece of a 19th century love triangle starring Holly Hunter, Harvey Keitel and Sam Neil. It was not your usual love triangle, just looking at the setting which is the dark and muddy frontier of New Zealand. I adored the cute and very effective Anna Paquin who was just 12 years old here. It lost to Schindler’s List as Oscar’s Best Picture in 1993. But it still ranks as one of my best ten.

Schindler’s List. I must admit I went to see this film out of curiosity from the brouhaha generated by our censors who wanted to cut the very controversial pumping scene by Liam Neeson. But I left the movie theater getting a lot more. For me, it was one of the two finest works by the genius Steven Spielberg (the other one is also in my tope ten fave). In this black and white medium, Spielberg vividly painted the gruesome picture of the genocide of the Jews during the Holocaust.

Gladiator. This 2000 Ridley Scott film successfully captured the barbarism of the gladiators, the struggles within the royalty of the Roman Empire, the tragic love story of Maximus and his wife and the humanity of all the characters in this epic movie. This is one very effective film that made me feel like I was right there, in the 180AD Rome, watching with my very own eyes the many glorious scenes in this movie. Few movies can make me cry. But this one made me teary eyed in at least two scenes – the death of Maximus’ wife and the finale where Maximus triumphed over the treacherous Emperor Marcus Aurelius. Russell Crowe deserved his Oscar Best Actor trophy. And I think Joaquin Phoenix should have won his Best Supporting Actor award too.

The Color Purple. Long before I adored Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost, she has already made me cry in this 1985 film of the great Steven Spielberg. I never get to read the Pulitzer winning novel by Alice Walker where this film was lifted. But however great that novel is, I’m sure the film version didn’t fail in any account. It was a powerful story of self-discovery that I haven’t forgotten until today. And I think Steven not winning the Oscar Best Director, much more this film not winning the top prize that year, was one of the greatest blunder Oscars has ever committed.

no.3 : ocd

I have a trace of what is clinically called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. According to Wikepedia, this is a psychiatric anxiety disorder most commonly characterized by one’s obsessive, distressing, intrusive thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.

In English, (hehehe) it is an abnormality in one's behaviour and in my case, it manifests on several small and even trivial behavior I have.

I hate messy, unorganized room – either in the house or in the office. It bothers me if a picture hangs askew. I just have to fix it. I can’t bear to see one sheet jutting out from a stack of paper. I need to arrange it. I always want my shoes neatly lined on the shoe rack. I don’t want to see one single crease on my bed sheet; it has to be totally flat and taut across.

When I do my laundry, things have to be neatly and evenly lined on the clothesline. Socks have to be hanged in pairs. Shirts on hangers have to face just one direction, evenly spaced.

Even in the office, I don’t leave a messy table at the end of the day. Everything has to be on the exact same place where I want to find them the next morning.

And my wallet? I hate it if the bills are mixed up like a stew. I always arrange it in order from the smallest to the largest bill.

Fortunately, nothing major so far that can be cause of concern. As I said, it’s small, simple things that don’t hurt me or anybody around me. Afterall, there’s no law anywhere that forbids having a well-organized dresser or closet, right?

no. 2: zzzzzzzzz!!

I sleep on my sides. For whatever reason, I cannot sleep when I’m lying on my back so I have to do it sideways. I would normally toss back and forth, left to right, before finally settling in on my left side and doze off.

It wasn’t always like this. Coz I remember when I was a bit younger, I can only sleep when I’m lying flat on the bed. But a year or two ago, I changed my sleeping posture.

I once read somewhere that people who sleep like this are deep thinkers. So maybe I wasn’t doing this earlier coz I didn’t have much on my mind? Ah well, maybe that’s true.

Aside from the posture, it’s my sleeping pattern that’s totally off. I salute people of my age, and some of people I know who are a lot younger, who can discipline themselves by going to bed early. Coz I can’t.

I’m a night person. While most people are already having their dreams or nightmares, I’m still wide awake – watching television or running some fantasies or daydreams on my mind. (hmmm…do you still call it a day dream when you do it at night?!?)

Though I wouldn't say that I'm insomniac coz I think I don't have that extreme condition of staying up all night like a zombie. Insomniacs don't know the word sleepy. I do. It's just that the sandman visits me much later, probably after he has already tucked away most people in their beds. Blame it on my body clock that simply refuse to recognize whatever time zone I'm in.

So for the longest time, it’s always been a struggle holding a day job. Coz waking up in time to make it to a 9am clock-in, worse a 7:30am work, has always been a struggle for me. I really wish I had a different line of work and eternally given the 2-10pm shift. That way, I can sleep at 3am and stay in bed until mid-day. That’ll be heaven for me.

beneath the bubbles

I’m not a big fan of soap opera, at least not many of them. Coz I think a lot of them are just made of exactly what it’s called – soap. A lot of suds but nothing underneath really. Storylines are used, abused and overused. Nothing new, everything’s just a copy or an improved, glamorized, satirized, whatever version of the other. Not only on local (I mean Philippine) television but even in the more advanced American television programming.

In the 90’s I liked Melrose Place. I watched it for several years until the story and characters started turning crazy. At least, to me, it was better than The Bold and the Beautiful which, I think, should instead be called The Never, Never, Never, Never, Never… ehhmm… Ending Story. Gosh, I’m still seeing it today with the once dashing Ridge already old and saggy. For goodness’ sake, give him a rest already!.

Lately I’ve become a fan of Desperate Housewives. Chic and slick storyline of funny, real characters who get into tricky twists and sticky situations along the way. I adore the pool of writers of this show. They must be working overtime to come up with something brisk and highly entertaining show, episode after episode. But it’s not Desperate Housewives I’m writing about.

It’s Dr. Heo Jun - a drama series shown in Arirang Tv, Monday to Friday.

I’ve seen it before, maybe a few times in passing whenever I’m surfing channels, trying to find something entertaining in the hundreds of free channels in my television. But I never paid attention to it. In fact, my first impression is that it’s just one of those corny dramas from Korea, one of the suppliers of soaps in Philippine television today (are Mexico and Taiwan still on it? Dunno really, got no TFC nor GMA.)

But somewhere in the 80th episode or so, I started appreciating it until I finally got hooked. I realized this soap has got some good things going for it.

First, the eye-catching costumes. Elaborate Hanboks – jeogori, baji and chimas - that probably cost a lot to the producers. Bright, colorful costumes that present a rich culture of the Koreans.

And yes, it’s the culture. The story is presented against the backdrop of idyllic life in Korea in, what I figure is, the 18th century. And it’s quite interesting to see how people of that era live their simple lives.

But Dr. Heo Jun doesn’t stop at cultures and good production design. It also presents a complex storyline. Based on the 20 or so episodes I’ve seen, it’s one story of epic proportions.

It tells the story of Heo Jun, an extremely talented doctor who made good reputation while he was still a student in a medical school, gained fame after he saved thousands of lives during a plague and in the process gaining the recognition of the King. Sweet huh. But wait, all the glory he’s enjoying is suddenly quashed as his dark past begins to haunt him.

It turns out that he was, in his younger years, a smuggler. An offence that has never lost it’s notoriety whatever century you’re in. And, he was a commoner who fell in love to and married a noble lady. Another major violation during those times when social classes command everything in one’s life.

He was a bad boy then. But a very good, dedicated and hard-working doctor now. And people around him – friends, colleagues and superiors at the hospital and even the chief of police, are struggling on where to place this man in their hearts and minds. Do you let him off the hook, let him do his noble work but in the process exonerating him from his crimes and in effect condoning his past? Big dilemma huh!

This is the kind of show that turns me from a watcher to a participant. When I start assessing my own judgment, analyzing my own principles and convictions. If I were the Police Chief, shall I arrest him or let him free? If I was his friend, shall I turn him in or shall I help him escape punishment? And believe me, when I start asking questions like this, then I know that the storytelling is indeed effective.

One thing I find corny though is the acting. It’s a bit like our ‘zarzuela’ movies of the 60’s – remember those b&w films RPN 9 run after lunch? The actors tend to OA all the time. Though I’m sure it’s not the skill of the actors that’s in question here. Some of them star in another soap (a more contemporary soap also in Arirang) and they act just fine (but I don’t watch it religiously like Dr. Heo Jun). Maybe it’s the director.

But it doesn’t take away the joy of watching the show. Afterall it’s not the acting I’m focused anymore. It’s the presentation of the story. And each episode ends leaving me with a bit of anticipation on what’s gonna happen next.

Some twenty episodes ago I was watching it at 11pm. So I had to stop myself from dozing off early in the night. Good thing I discovered just a few days ago that it’s shown a lot earlier, at 6:30 pm where the sub-titles are in Japanese and English. While the 11pm run is in English and Spanish. Hmmm… maybe the producers are thinking of exporting this to Mexico!? I hope Philippine Tv discovers this gem too.

no.1: why i can make restaurants go bankrupt

I don’t eat a lot of stuff. Even though I love dining out, my idea of food excludes a lot of things on a menu.

Close friends already know that when I say yummy, it doesn’t include chicken. And sure it always prompts people to ask “why, do you have buni?” or something like that. Puulleeezzzz!!! I got none of those. I just don’t. For whatever absurd reason, I grew up not eating this feathered cackler. And now that I’ve grown older (and hopefully wiser, hehehe)… I never dared break what already turned into an unconscious crusade to spare the chicken from it’s barbaric slaughter.

Actually I tried eating chicken several times already. I can swallow it, no problem. But as soon as it hits the bottom of my intestines, it starts acting like the stirred lava of Pinatubo. My tummy rumbles, incessantly, until the intruder is thrown out, discharged through it’s original entry point.

I know it’s just psychological…. but hey, can’t help it. That’s why I can’t find joy in your Chicken Joy!

But it’s not only chicken that’s a no-no for me. A lot of other meat too. To sum it up, I only recognize beef and pork – that’s it. And oh, it’s limited to the meat please, not the internals! Maybe with the exception of Sisig (I’m not quite sure what it’s made of) specially if it’s Gerry’s, I don’t go for the organs – kidney, heart, liver, intestines, tongue, ears, eyes and all other gory parts. Eeewww! says my friend Jun!

In fish, I only eat common salt-water species. Bangus is the only fresh-water specie I can take. Which means I’m missing out on those tilapia, dalag and hito barrio folks normally enjoy. No-no too to ‘kilawin’ (raw fish and, i think, even some type of meat, marinated in vinegar sauce) or anything that is not fully cooked. That’s why even if I love steak, I can only take it if it’s well done, not medium, never rare. Blood oozing from the meat is disgusting for me. Which brings me to ‘dinuguan’, something that I also find unpalatable. Not that I’m a member of another religion.

And the discrimination doesn’t stop there. Coz even in veggies, I’ve got quite a few wars. I don’t like okra, sayote and other slimy varieties.

Weird huh. Well, at least I’m not so choosy when it comes to ice cream and chocolates!

a lull

A dear friend who follows this blog closely asked me why I haven’t posted anything new lately. It’s been days since my last posting which is unusual because my previous postings were merely hours apart. So, for someone who visits this site regularly since I created it a couple of weeks ago, it was like riding a fast train which suddenly lost it’s steam and screeched to a halt.

Well, my most convenient excuse was that my modem bogged down, followed by a more convincing “I don’t have anything to write yet”. Well he wouldn’t be disappointed just like that so he sent me a loooonngggg list of topics to blog, plus a few more suggestions that are really cool, I think he’s been reading tons of other blogs (hehehe… peace Raoul!).

But honestly, I slipped – at least temporarily – into laziness that’s why. Sure my modem really went useless during the weekend coz I played with it’s settings, curious to find out how it was configured, then f****d up everything until I couldn’t fix it anymore (it’s not only cats that curiosity kills, really).

And the modem’s user guide is useless because it supports only until XP but not Vista! Darn! So I had to bring it to the shop again, waited for a couple of hours for the technician to give me his full attention while in the process holding back my frustration and trying to cool down my already boiling blood pressure. Nevertheless I was able to go online again last Monday.

The first thing I should have done is to post. But I didn’t. I just checked my e-mails, visited this site and just looked at the counter (which, by the way is still moving… thank heavens!) and never bothered to login.

And it’s not entirely true that I haven’t got anything to post. I realized it when Raoul sent me his suggested blogs. I suddenly remembered I have those topics covered in my old, unpublished works (there I go again… hehehehe) stored somewhere in some obscure corner of my USB. All I have to do is to find them, update/edit/fix them and make it more blog-worthy.

So just keep coming back coz you'll never know what i'm gonna post next!

starstruck ka ba?

ano kaya ang gagawin mo kung minsan, isang ordinaryo at tahimik na araw, ay makakita ka ng celebrity? would you go screaming and jumping like most fans do? magpapa-pirma ka ba ng autograph sa suot mong t-shirt? magpo-posing ka ba at magpapa-kodak kasama sila?

mahilig ako sa movies and i'm a certified couch potato so you would expect me to go gaga when i meet a celebrity in person. fortunately, hindi naman ako ganon.

nakita ko na si pops at si martin together in a concert noong mid-80's na kasikatan nila. and i didn't go nuts. siguro dahil hindi ako fan (never was) at kaya lang ako nandon sa concert eh dahil sponsored ng kumpanyang pinagta-trabahuhan ko yong concert. thus the complementary pass. o baka naman hindi lang talaga ako fanatic ng local talents. it might be a different scenario if it was a foreign artist (talk about colonial mentality huh!).

pero hindi pa rin. fan ako ni kenny g at kumpleto ako halos ng albums niya noon. then i saw him up close, just two feet away from where i was sitting when he had a concert back in the 90's at the folk arts. but i didn't jump out of my seat. i was thrilled. pero hindi yong tipong nagwawala in excitement.

and then a few more celebs crossed my unappreciating path.

i was working in coke (project) na ang office ay nasa feliza building (legaspi village) where the advertising giant saatchi & saatchi was also located. isang araw, pagpasok ko ng eleveator, there's this familiar face which i immediately recognized as marc nelson. siguro papunta sa saatchi. naka-barong tagalog ako (pormal huh) so i acted just like i'm worth the attire. i just smiled and said a very civil 'hi'. (in fairness, marc was nice to say 'hi' back). yon lang.

minsan, my friends and i were hanging out at virgin cafe (glorietta) nang may pumasok na matatangkad na lalaki - mga pba players pala, mostly unknown to me coz i'm not a basketball fan. ang nakilala ko lang si vince hizon from his tv ad. they were just a table away from us but i didn't bother to join the crowd (supposedly A crowd, the snob type of creatures) who suddenly turned just as 'bakya' as anybody else getting their snapshots taken with the players. aha! mas sosyal pa pala ako sa inyo! hahahaha!

minsan naman i was having lunch sa dome (greenbelt) when i saw this lovely lady in a pink suit. si carmi martin pala. i gave her a good look. maganda talaga sya in person, lalo siguro kung visible ang buong mukha nya at hindi natatakpan ng oversized dark glasses. ah well, my sandwich is getting cold so i just chewed along.

isang araw naman, i was quietly working on my desk sa ramcar head office (again on aproject) when out of the blue, this guy asks kung saan daw ang office nong marketing director. i looked up, tinuro ko yong office na tinatanong while at the back of my mind, iniisip ko kung sinong artista yon. si marvin agustin pala. and so, nagkagulo ang mga bebot na staff, pati yong mga manang eh nagpa-picture. buti na lang wala si jolina!

so wala lang, may makita man akong celebrities, don't care. ok, i watch you on tv or films pero yon lang. nagbayad na ako to watch you so tama na yon. di nyo naman ako babayaran or gagawing artista kung mahihimatay ako in your presence. afterall, you're big on screen pero in person, pareho lang pala tayong may tastas na sinulid ang suot na shirt!

although one time medyo natawa ako from my own stupidity.

nasa 12th flr ng antel (salcedo village) ang office namin. i was with my american boss and we took the elevator from the ground floor. pagpasok namin, may mga tao na obviously coming from the basement. one of them was a tall, dark guy na familiar sa akin. hindi ko ma-recall ang pangalan but i was thinking to myself 'sigurado akong artista to'. then the doors opened and i stepped out. tinawag ako ng boss ko 'dante, it's not our floor yet'... ay mali! ang lumabas yong artista. balik ako sa elevator. tsaka ko lang na-realize si richard gomez pala yon. damn you richard, nagmukha akong tanga sa kakaisip kung sino ka!

was i starstruck that time? hindi pa rin. nainis lang ako sa sarili ko dahil hindi ko agad ma-recall ang pangalan nya. and it happens to me all the time pag may isang bagay akong hindi agad ma-alala. naiinis ako and let my mind work overtime to retrieve that piece of information. not necessarily because he was an artista. yon lang!

let's talk about the adiks

my current group from work - fondly known among members as the 'adiks' - is a mixture of jolly, talented young people whose hobbies and interests are as varied as their day jobs.

from recruitment specialist to accountant, safety engineer to secretaries, the adiks is a merry mix of individuals whose personalities are so different there's just a few things common among them - food, talk and laughter. everyone loves to talk, dine-out, laugh, talk and laugh some more. no matter how mundane, no matter how serious, no matter how trivial, there's always a reason to enjoy the moment and pull a good laugh out of it.

jun the accountant is the jester among the group. he has a comic timing plus the most absurd ideas that never fail to make the group holler. although i would say he's a chameleon coz he jokes a lot and seem to be the most carefree person among the group and yet hides a very analytical mind under the thick afro-style hair. jeezz, he was a varsity chess player during his college days! actually, he never bragged about it until he won a local tournament just recently hehehee.

matt the vince vaughn look alike secretary of loss control department is a neophyte photographer who's already working wonders on his lens. he maybe a newbie but the talent and creativity is already showing - his shots look more like those of the seasoned lensmen. photography may be an expensive hobby but if you have talent like this guy, it will soon pay off. just look at his sample shots here and you'll see what i'm babbling about. heeyyy... calling publishers and editors - one talent over here!!! (matt don't you ever forget i'll be your business manager! hehehee).

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neil, the deceptively boyish-looking secretary (deceptive : looks young but with two kids already! hehehee), 'the bunso' of the group in terms of his cute (or should i say vertically challenged hehehe) height, is already jetting to international competitions via his prime note ensemble - an all-male choir championing the innate musical talent of pinoys.

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and who does some mean powerpoint presentation? no one tops ega, the safety engineer, who's also the 'staff me' authority of the group. he's not just a safe guy, he's flowing with creative juices as well.

and let's not forget the spiritual leader of the group - raoul the recruitment specialist - whose sunny personality and bible-guided wisdom keeps the group afloat (aside from the pasalubongs from pinas huh). and when the jokes turn astray, his 'hush' will always bring back the adiks to the boundaries of normalcy.

and then there's orlee. ah well... orlee? i know some of his talents but i'm afraid i can't blog it! hehehahaha... peace orgee!

and of course, there's ren who's probably the only health buff among the group (so, anyone else who jogs regularly like this guy?). irwin who's the cool, silent guy but blurts out witty and hysterically funny one-liners from time to time. rommel, the 'mister pogi' of the group who, according to his room mates, cooks some yummy stuff though i still have to taste his 'ginataan'!. and oh, before i forget - ariel the singer whose version of reasons can easily give erik santos a run for his money!

i like this group. easy, fun loving individuals whose conversations generally veer away from things that should be left in the office after working hours. afterall, we've labored far more than enough for the day. so let's talk about something else. that's where the adiks are best!

remembering tatay

August 4, 1995 when my father died. Honestly, hindi ko na matandaan kung lung cancer ba o liver yon. Basta ang alam ko, one of the two yong umpisa, the other was just complication. Buhat kasi nong bata pa ako, natatandaan ko na, parang mineral water sa kanya ang san miguel. Eh yosi boy pa sya. Yosi at markang demonyo. A lethal combination that took his life at an early age. He died barely a month after his 59th birthday.

Nandito ako sa Saudi noon. It was one Friday afternoon, hindi ako pumasok kaya nasa bahay lang, nagpapahinga. Dumating ang isang office mate ko na nag-overtime. May dala siyang papel para sa akin. Pero bago niya inabot, may warning, wag daw akong mabibigla. Fax pala galing sa pinsan ko.

Come home. Your father died. Yon lang ang nakasulat sa fax. Maigsing-maigsi pero parang hindi ko naintindihan. Parang chinese characters yong mga letra.

Matagal bago nag-sink-in sa akin yong message. Pero nong maintindihan ko na, parang nanlaki yong ulo ko, kinapos ako ng hininga, unti-unting napa-upo sa carpet saka ako nagpapalahaw ng iyak. Yong iyak ng mahihirap sabi nga. Umatungal ako na parang baka. Wala akong pakialam kahit marinig ng kapitbahay. Wala rin akong pakialam kahit tumutulo ang sipon ko kasabay ng pagtulo ng luha. Ganon pala talaga kasakit lalo’t first time mamatayan ng mahal sa buhay. Tatay ko pa whom I loved so dearly.

Mahirap lang kami but he was such a good father. Kung ano-ano ang raket nya para kumita lang ng pera. Mag-karpintero, mag-bukid, mangisda, repair everything. Kung saan-saang lugar sya dumadayo para lang maghanap-buhay. Pero kahit maliit ang kita, he will always bring home ‘pasalubong’ for me. Curly tops o yong chocolate-coated marshmallows. O kaya isang balot ng sinangag na mani. Yon kasi ang mga favorites ko.

When i was still a kid, bago matulog, kinu-kwentohan niya ako ng kung ano-anong alamat which, later on, nalaman kong puro gawa-gawa lang nya. Pero na-enjoy ko naman kasi nga bata pa ako.

Nong high-school na ako, lagi niya akong binibigyan ng pang-sine pag Saturday. Dalawa kasi ang sinehan sa amin sa Pinamalayan – yong Venus at Dona Asuncion. Parehong 3rd-run, parehong mainit at mapanghe. Pero laging double picture kaya lagi akong suki. Doon ko napanood ang kumpletong series ng Superman bago pa sya nag-hibernate sa Krypton. Favorite ko rin yong mga earlier installments ng James Bond. At syempre, probinsya kaya walang censors, pati mga tipong Perfumed Garden o Bikini Island eh napapanood ko kahit 14 years old pa lang ako.

In short, spoiled ako sa tatay ko. Kaya nong mamatay sya, matagal bago ko natanggap. When I went home for his funeral, kitang-kita ko nang ipinasok na siya sa nitso, pero parang hindi pa rin totoo. Oo, may pinapasok sa nitso, but I don’t care kasi hindi ko inisip na tatay ko yon. Ganon pala yong sinasabing denial stage, everything seem to be surreal. Nandon ka sa eksena but you feel like youre watching it from the outside. Na hindi ka involved. And you’re not feeling anything.

At nagtagal pa yong denial stage na yon. Dahil kahit ng makabalik na ako ng Saudi, hindi ko naramdaman na wala na siya sa buhay ko. I would always wake up in the morning thinking that he’s at home, just relaxing and recuperating from his illness. Madalas pa niya akong dalawin sa aking mga panaginip lalo na pag may problema ako. Dreams where he is very much alive. Hindi yong tipong natatakot ako. And these dreams just reinforced my feeling na buhay sya and he’s always around to support me.

Until these days, meron akong regrets sa pagkawala nya. Una, I wasn't around para asikasuhin sya at alagaan nong magkasakit sya. I was far from him, halfway around the globe, instead of serving him in his sick bed. I should have served him and returned the love he has shown me all my life. Which is another thing na pinag-sisisihan ko. Hindi ko nasabi sa kanya how much I love him. Hindi kasi kami expressive na pamilya. But I should have done it. Sana nasabi ko sa kanya bago siya nawala.

Pero nawala man siya, hindi ko sya nakakalimutan. Ito siguro yong sinasabi nilang ‘the spirit lives on’. At kahit ilang dekada pa siguro ang lumipas, hindi ito mawawala. His remains might have been reduced to ashes by now, but in my mind and in my heart, buhay ang tatay ko. And he’s never far from me.

Tay, I love you. And I miss you so dearly.

gone too soon

i had to borrow this song from michael jackson. because this is what exactly happened to one young boy who was snatched so suddently from our lives just last june this year.

barely 13 years old, he was a bright, fun-loving, charming kid who has probably won more friends than anybody his age. my pamangkin, my inaanak. i miss you so much jepoy. may you be playing with the angels in heaven right now.

we will never forget you. we love you. we always will.